Candy Shell
by SuperSillyStories
Summary: Sweet, Sweet Carlos. Always looking like the innocent, happy go-lucky young man. But that's only on the surface, beneath that sweet exterior is a boy who feels broken, but hopefully things will be able to change.
1. Chapter 1

_**Hi guys, this is my new Carlos story entitled Candy Shell because….well you'll see why, and hopefully it will make sense! So let me know what you think about it! It will be tackling some themes of self-harm. So if that's a trigger for you or you don't feel comfortable proceed with this story with caution! It's a dark Carlos story…**_

_**As always I hope if you read it you enjoy it!**_

* * *

I sighed and rolled over in bed, desperately holding the pillow over my head to tune out the rest of the world. Another day, more time spent of me trying to keep a smile on all day long. Everyone thinks I'm so precious and so happy go-lucky, but I'm not.

Sweet candy shell on the outside, but under the exterior is nothing but rotten….stuff.

Well maybe that's a lie, generally I am very happy, it's not as though I put up an_ entire _act. It's just the little things that tend to get on my nerves and make things worse. For example, when people always assume I'm dumb and don't understand things that happens to get under my skin. Or when girls automatically overlook me and go for James or….actually any of my friends, that's a blow to my self-esteem as well. I'm not a big baby, I swear I'm not I just….I guess I don't deal with things as well as I should.

I sat up in bed finally; the guys would not stop yelling at me to wake up. I put my watch on my wrist and climbed out of bed. It seems weird to wear a G-shock as soon as I wake up, but it's a big bulky watch that can perfectly hide the scars on my wrist.

Yes, I do hurt myself.

"Dude you sleep like a rock." James commented as I plopped down beside him and grabbed a plate of pancakes. "I thought we were going to have to climb up there and jump on you."

"Well I was tired!" I pouted and ate my breakfast. I was up all night well…feeling sorry for myself I guess. I just couldn't manage to fall asleep, every time I closed my eyes I had a dream we were back in Minnesota. Don't get me wrong I love Minnesota, that place is my home but when I think of home I remember school and how _dumb_ I am in school and how lucky I am that we got out of that place and go to a different school. If we stayed there I would have failed out of high school, off the hockey team, and I'd probably be up in my room cradling my hockey stick and having a meltdown.

So yes, I'm a very lucky guy.

"So what are we doing today?" I asked as I shoved probably an entire pancake in my mouth and poured some syrup in there too.

"Gustavo got us a guest part on that stupid show Jett is on." Kendall sighed and rolled his eyes. "So we're going to meet him at the studio."

"I can't imagine how this could end poorly." Logan rolled his eyes and ate his breakfast. We're not the biggest fans of Jett, especially not Kendall since he did try to date his ex-girlfriend Jo. He's dating Lucy now but he still doesn't like Jett. I think Kendall thinks he's going to try and steal Lucy away from him.

"Why don't you boys just _try_ to have fun and don't cause any problems okay?" Mama Knight smiled at the four of us. We all mumbled and nodded along because we can't exactly tell her no. After breakfast we all got ready to leave. I had to stay in the bathroom a little while longer and just…mentally prepare myself. Gustavo's going to be a screaming monster today. I can handle that no problem, I just have to hope no one calls me stupid or ugly or anything.

Sometimes I wish I was smart like Logan, good looking like James, or smooth and calm like Kendall. It sucks to be me.

* * *

"Now we need the short one to stand in the middle, it looks weird when you're on the outside." The director told me. Kendall, Logan, and James all looked at me trying to hide their smiles. I sighed and moved from next to Kendall to between him and Logan.

I hate being short.

"Good finally this looks right! So you guys are just going to stand like that and then—"the director heard a ruckus coming from backstage. "Ugh damn it, WHO DIDN'T GIVE JETT HIS MANGO SMOOTHIE!?" He yelled and stormed off, so that gave us a break to do whatever we wanted on set.

"Check it out; Jett bangs that chick on the show." James remarked as he pointed at the snack table. There stood a girl wearing an off-shoulder long sleeve shirt and shorts. She had black hair and she was _really _pretty, so why wouldn't Jett be banging her on the show? "She plays a vampire, but a vegetarian vampire, so she doesn't bite people. Except for that one time when Jo's character tried to take Jett away. She bit the hell out of her."

"I thought you didn't watch this show…" Logan muttered and glanced over at James who shrugged.

"I get bored and I like to look at cute girls!" James defended and shook his head, whatever I'm going to go make myself known and get some ass." James clapped his hand together and prepared to go walk over to her, but she already started to walk past us with her script and a plate full of gummy worms….

Oh man, I really want some gummy worms now.

"Hey!" James said when she was passing us. She stopped and turned around like a deer caught in headlights before relaxing and smiling a bit. Wow, she has such a pretty smile. "I'm James, James Diamond, from the band—"

"Big Time Rush!" she nodded and put her plate on top of the script and balanced them both in one arm. "I know, you guys are awesome I listen to you all the time."

"Really?" Kendall raised his eyebrows completely shocked, "You do?"

"Yeah, I like the music!" She nodded and looked at all of us. I swear she looked at me the longest! "My name's Colette Merlot." She wiped her hand on her jeans and stuck it out for each of us to shake it. James of course kissed her hand and winked at her. I shook her hand a bit too eagerly but she found it funny! Logan and Kendall smacked my back to get me to not…shake her arm off I guess, but she didn't seem to mind it so I felt better. "So are you guys excited? Don't worry I don't bite too hard."

"Wait what?" Logan swallowed and turned red when she said that. What does she even mean by that?

"Well I do, unless you're not into that sort of thing…" James grinned and now she was the one that was confused!

"I…you guys are performing for the school dance and get attacked by the really messed up vampires of the school. I bite you guys to save your lives, you don't read the script?" She raised an eyebrow and I glanced over at James who was making an 'oh' face and looking around nervously.

"No they never gave us a script!" I finally found myself able to talk to her, since James already made himself look like a creepy idiot. "The director told us to just stand here before going off to Jett."

"Yeah the guy was bitching about a mango smoothie." Kendall added with a nod and a roll of his eyes, yup he still hates Jett.

"Right….I need a new job." She sighed and shook her head and actually gave me her script. Oh man, it smells like her. Maybe it's her lotion, it smells pretty. Pretty has a smell…and it smells good like candy. "You guys can look at my script; I'm pretty sure on the lines anyway. So I'm looking forward to working with you!" Colette smiled at us but she had this…smile that I recognize. It kind of looked like my smile. Her mouth formed a smile but her eyes, I don't know, they seemed dead.

"Looking forward to it!" James called out to her as she left, then he glanced at us.

"Wow you sounded like such a loser." Kendall laughed, "Oh man you definitely creeped her out."

"Shut up! It was a minor setback but I can definitely fix this." James nodded confidently and smoothed down his shirt, "Now let's go over to that snack table. This temple needs some of that ham." He said before dragging Logan away.

And I'm somehow the weird one?

* * *

"HOW DO YOU BREAK A TABLE ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?" The director was screaming at the top of his lungs while the guys helped me up. "ARE YOU STUPID!?"

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to!" I said quickly as I dusted myself off. "I tripped over the wires on stage and—"

"I don't care _how_ you did it!" He growled and kicked at the table bits on the floor. "Great now we need to clean this up and set up again! Thanks a lot Carlos! Ugh, idiots I always work with idiots." He growled and stormed off.

"Hey don't listen to him." Kendall squeezed my shoulder, "That guy has problems."

"Yeah he has something stuck up his ass." Logan nodded and patted my back.

"He definitely needs to get laid." James nodded and patted the top of my head, but none of that made me feel better. I glanced around and saw everyone on the set giving me pitiful looks. Even Colette who was getting her fangs put in frowned at me and tried to mouth the word 'sorry'.

"I just um, I need a minute…I have to pee." I mumbled and walked away to the bathroom and as soon as I was in I locked the door behind me. I hate this, I hate feeling like the idiot that ruins everything and I hate….I hate knowing people look at me like I'm a pitiful moron who just breaks everything in his path! It wasn't my fault it was an accident! I bit my lip and pulled out my wallet, in one of the pockets I keep a blade from a pencil sharpener. It works great, all I had to do was take out the screw and I had a nice sharp blade. I undid the belt and dropped my pants. Another spot where I happen to cut is my thighs, always easily hidden behind my pants. I leaned against the wall and shut my eyes tightly as I dug in the blade.

A few seconds later I had four slashes going across my thigh, and I felt a lot better.

I wiped up the blood from my leg and when the bleeding stopped I pulled up my pants and left the bathroom.

Aw…..wait now I actually have to pee!

Guess I'm going back to the bathroom.

* * *

_**So what do you think?**_


	2. Chapter 2

**(am4muzik: Carlos is a sweetheart he just happens to be a little broken inside! I was thinking about that one-shot too, and it's kind of where the idea came from, I just…wanted to spin a story mostly around Carlos and his thoughts, so yeah it stemmed from that but I'm pretty okay!**

**Jenno2: Carlos needs a bear hug at this point!**

**GlambertLovesBTR: Yeah poor Carlos….hopefully he'll get some help through this!**

**ValentineZombie: Oh I'll be taking some experiences of my own and using it for this Carlos story. He always seems so...wholesome and adorable and sweet, I wanted to give him a darker twist, at least a darker side to him underneath the helmet**

**DeniseDEMD: Yay I hope it doesn't disappoint!**

**Thesandbar: UMM hopefully it won't make you cry!**

**IHEARTROCK: Jett is definitely a big bitch, and yeah after all that he forgot to pee…classic Carlos.)**

* * *

Shooting for the rest of the day went okay I guess. I didn't want to get yelled at again and make myself feel worse so I stayed by the catering table and I ate my feelings. Sure it was doughnuts and beef jerky, an odd combo but there wasn't much stuff left over for me. I was so busy stuffing my face and hating myself that I hadn't noticed Colette standing there trying to get a doughnut, that is until we reached for the same one.

"Sorry!" I said quickly with wide eyes, my cheeks stuffed with food. I must have looked like an idiot. "You take it."

"Thanks, and it's okay." She chuckled and took the last cake doughnut, "I'm the same way about food—well when it comes to cookies, it's like there's no one around but me and a bag of chocolate chips." She smiled at me, and it looked like she was _trying very hard_ to talk to me, I just can't imagine why. "So are these things still good?" She asked as she inspected the doughnut closely. I was so distracted by the thought of her actually trying to hold a conversation with me that I just stared at her, my mouth slowly falling open.

"Carlos there you are!" Kendall smiled and came to the rescue by closing my mouth for me and draping his arm over my shoulder. "Man it's a good thing I found you we would have hated to go to that movie without you." I glanced over at Kendall who was staring at me with wide eyes, expecting me to say something. I quickly got the hint and swallowed the mess of food in my mouth before glancing back at Colette.

"Right! The movies, uh do you want to come with us?" I asked and I think her eyes lit up, it was really nice.

"Yeah sure sounds fun, what movie?" She smiled and tossed the doughnut aside. Well now that's a waste, why would she take the doughnut if she wasn't going to eat it? I could have eaten that!

"Oh um…" I looked up at Kendall who didn't know what to say either.

"That's the surprise! We'll choose when we get there." Kendall nodded and we all walked outside where our car was parked.

"Hey beautiful, joining us for the movie?" James grinned at Colette and part of me wanted to punch him in the face. Can't he just not hit on every girl he sees? She's not even his type; she's actually wearing pants and a shirt that isn't slutty!

"Yes I will be! I'll get in my car and I'll meet you guys there." She waved at us and went over to her car while we went to ours and climbed in.

"Okay guys so she's going to sit next to me and I'd appreciate it if you didn't do anything stupid." James announced as he climbed in beside me while Logan drove and Kendall took the front seat.

"Why do you get to sit next to her?" I sighed and turned my body so I was facing James. "That isn't fair, you can't call dibs on every girl you see James! You get everyone why can't I have a chance?" I glared up at him and James did his cocky little laugh before patting my shoulder.

"Carlos, she's an actress, that's the big league and you're not ready for that."

"LOGAN'S DATING AN ACTRESS!" I yelled and pointed at Logan.

"Hey what's that supposed to mean!?" Logan frowned and glared at the two of us through the rear view mirror. I just shook my head and crossed my arms over my chest. It's not fair, James can get anyone he wants because of how he looks, at least let me try with her! I know I'm not the tallest and I don't have the most hair and I'm not…smooth as he is but still, there's someone for me! It could be Colette, it might not but I want a shot!

"Carlos, don't embarrass yourself." James chuckled and I unbuckled my seatbelt because I was ready to murder him. That's another one of my problems, I get angry very quickly and rather than talk about it I just attack. I've tried to control myself but it just doesn't seem to work.

"Alright that's enough!" Kendall yelled and turned around, putting his arms between James and I like a divider. "Neither one of you are going to sit with her with that attitude, she'll sit between me and Logan and you two will be separated, got it?" He growled.

"Got it…" The two of us mumbled quietly.

* * *

The movie was actually very funny. We saw Monster's University and I laughed so hard I shot soda out of my nose. Colette found that to be really funny, so I actually felt pretty good! I wasn't sitting next to her but I still made her laugh so that felt okay, I didn't feel disappointed or anything. When the movie was over we hung around and played a few arcade games in the lobby. James was trying to win her a toy from the crane game, but after watching him fail a bunch of times she got bored and actually came over to watch me play foosball with Logan! It was awesome…she cheered me on and I felt like, for once I was doing something good. Sure it was just playing a game but I didn't feel like a failure, you know?

She actually asked me to play a game with her alone. I don't know why, it was kind of weird that she's trying so hard to talk to me and be near me….but it's different and I really like it! I don't mind at all. I guess, I don't know, I feel special! I feel different in a good way and not in the always lame way.

Anyway, after a while we split ways and the guys and I went back to the Palm Woods. But Colette did promise she'd hang out with us again! She said we could go to her house and hang out because she had a pool, so I was really looking forward to that. She slipped me her number because James was getting too…annoying for her. Maybe that was the only reason why she gave it to me….but I still have her number and I'm going to cherish that.

When we got back Bitters stood in front of us and he was furious. "CARLOS!"

Oh great, it's my fault.

"Yeah?" I sighed and looked down at my feet before looking up at Bitters. I hate him and find him so rude and annoying but sometimes I just _can't_ take him yelling at me.

"Were you swimming in the pool and eating corndogs again?" He shouted at me.

"Um…yeah I was." I nodded and looked down at the floor scratching my head. I can't help it if I like to relax in the pool and also have a delicious snack!

"I told you not to do that are you some kind of moron!? You idiot! Because of you the jets in the pool got clogged and now I have to have it fixed!" Bitters yelled at me. "Now you boys will have to do without your precious pool for a few days! Good job, moron." Bitters growled at me.

"Hey don't talk to him like that!" James frowned and looked down at bitters, "It was a mistake!"

"Mistake, accident, whatever it's always something with him!" Bitters shook his head and walked away from us.

He's right; it's always something with me…

"Don't listen to him Carlos." Logan muttered as we went back to our apartment.

"Yeah we'll get him back for talking to you that way." Kendall nodded, but that didn't make me feel any better.

"It's whatever guys." I shrugged it off so they couldn't see me hurt by Bitters words. It makes me seem like such a baby if I look like I'm offended, "I guess now I have more time to practice that huge cannonball stunt!" I forced a smile up at all of them.

"Yeah you do, just don't flip onto the table." Kendall chuckled and patted my back. We all went back inside the apartment and while the guys went to the sofa to watch TV, I went up to the room I shared with James, saying I had to polish my helmet. When I got to the room I shut the door and leaned against it, sinking right down to the floor. I can't cut myself now, they can walk in at any minute and it's too suspicious if I lock the door. All I could do was ball my hand up in a fist and punch the spot where I had cut myself earlier today.

Of course I did something stupid and I got called out on it and called an idiot. Why could I ever have a good day? Why don't the guys ever hear what I have to hear? It isn't fair.

I just…

I don't know. I just feel so miserable.


	3. Chapter 3

**(Jenno2: It's totally okay to want Carlos! He's so sweet and innocent; he needs all the hugs he can get**

**AddictedToMusic18: I LIKE IT TOO! I think for this story I kind of need their attraction to get fast paced and kick off quickly**

**Am4muzik: I don't know, you're right though he's amazing and adorable and definitely not a screw up. Some people just don't know how to treat others!**

**Emy. Elle: You absolutely can wrap him up in the biggest hug ever**

**Thesandbar: Because sadly Carlos hides his pain very well and he doesn't let people know that he's hurting!**

**DeniseDEMD: Thank you I'm glad you like the way I write it! Bitters needs a baseball bat or something up his butt he's such a jerk, and poor little Litos doesn't need that**

**ValentineZombie: Yeah it is heartbreaking, he just needs to stop hurting himself and tell his friends how he feels, let them help him)**

* * *

Another day, another reason to be miserable.

We started the day off with a great session with Gustavo. By great I mean that he yelled at us the entire time and kept telling me I was flat. The guys and I finally had enough of that so we just threw our headphones on the floor and left the studio. It still made me feel bad though, I try really hard to sing my best! We can't all sing like James or Kendall, the two that were somehow born for that singing life…I can't help it if all I'm good at is eating and playing sports! No one said when I was younger that I was going to be a singer!

Now I'm just sitting by the pool, watching while James hits on various girls and staring as Logan helped Camille read some lines from her script. I sighed and closed my eyes letting my head fall so my chin could rest on my chest. Must be nice to be Logan, happy with a girlfriend, or James able to pick up girls with ease. Then there's Kendall who actually has a great relationship with Lucy, a really pretty rocker James and I tried to go out with.

My love life is just full of failure, much like my…um actual life I guess.

"You look bored." I opened my eyes and looked over to see Kendall plopping down on the beach chair beside me.

"I guess I am, where's Lucy?"

"She went to go record." Kendall nodded and put on his sunglasses, "Why don't you text Colette?" He suggested with a grin.

"Uhh….I don't…uh, no." I shook my head feeling embarrassed. "She probably won't answer me."

I know my record with girls. Kendall and Jo had tried to set me up on a date and that was a complete disaster. The only girls that show interest in me now are complete psychopaths that stalk us at shows and on tour, and I really don't want that. I'm a mess as it is; I don't need a girl texting me every thirty seconds wondering why I'm in the bathroom for so long.

"Dude I saw her give you her number, she wants to talk to you!" Kendall leaned over and patted my shoulder, "Text her and ask her to hang out, you won't be so bored and hey you might have some fun."

"Just hang out with her alone though? I'll probably screw it up." I squirmed in my seat and felt Kendall grab the phone my lap. "Hey!"

"Hey Colette want to hang out with me and the guys? And sent…" Kendall muttered ash e texted and threw the phone back at me. "Carlos…" he sighed and shook his head. "I don't know what's been going on with you lately, but don't be so scared of girls okay? The worst they can do is say no, and if they do that then it's their loss not yours. Cheer up buddy." Kendall patted my shoulder. Wow, I guess maybe I'm not getting as good at hiding my feelings as I thought I was.

"Thanks Kendall, I'll remember that." I genuinely smiled and nodded at him, then my phone vibrated and I looked down at it nervously.

"Go ahead, tell me what she said."

"She said we can go to her house, her brother's going to grill some food and we can hang out in the pool." I couldn't help but grin and glance over at Kendall who was grinning back at me. "She texted her address and everything!"

"See that dude? It's not so bad is it?" Kendall asked, and I shook my head.

"Not bad at all…" I nodded and jumped out of my seat. Now I have to go get ready.

* * *

"Come through the gate!" We heard being yelled, and the four of us moved away from the front door and over to the side gate that led to the back yard. When we reached the pool we saw an older guy with short brown hair on the grill, and Colette throwing a bunch of toys into the pool, oh and she was wearing a really nice purple bikini.

I love purple.

"Hey guys I'm glad you can make it! That's my brother over there Tim; he's making burgers and hot dogs I hope that's cool." She smiled while walking over to us.

"Totally fine!" I said a little too quickly, but that just made her smile even more at me. She ushered us all over and introduced us to her brother. Apparently this was his house and she was staying with him while her parents lived back home in Florida. I guess she's here so she could pursue her career, but it's pretty cool. The house is really nice and her brother is laid back, hasn't tried to threaten us or anything. "Oh um, we stopped by a bakery, I brought cupcakes." I held up the box and Tim handed his sister the tongs and took the box from me.

"Oh I will so be taking that, thank you." He opened the box, smelled what was inside and sighed happily before bringing them into the house.

"He likes sweets." She chuckled and shrugged, "Well come on guys don't just stand around! It's a pool let's have fun!" She stood behind James and _shoved_ him into the pool and that made us crack up. I guess that was her way of getting back at him for hitting on her non-stop the other day. So the five of us were messing around in the pool, throwing each other and doing flips, and it was a lot of fun. I crawled out of the pool to get a drink of lemonade, and as I was sitting at the edge I noticed Colette staring at me. I looked down trying to find out what she could be staring at and I realized my trunks were up a little bit and I had one scar peeking out. I quickly pulled my shorts down and jumped back into the pool so I could play and pretend she didn't see anything.

That's just what I would need, for her to see my scars and think I'm some sort of freak or unstable weirdo. Or maybe I am an unstable weirdo…

Great, just great. Stupid Carlos you really are an idiot all you had to do was hide your scars and look what happened? You couldn't even do that.

I am such an idiot.

"Alright guys come on and eat." Tim called; we all climbed out of the pool and wrapped ourselves in our towels before sitting at the table.

"Oh man there's French fries?" I asked with wide eyes as Colette came out of the house carrying a huge metal tray of them.

"Duh who has burgers and hot dogs without fries?" She chuckled and set it down in the middle of the table.

"That's the best thing I've heard all day." Logan sighed happily.

"She's a keeper." James nodded before taking a huge bite of the burger, and I have to say, the food is pretty good. I think I had like two burgers and a hot dog before I had to call it quits. When everyone was done we went over to the lounge chairs to digest our food and be fat.

"Oh man I can't move." Kendall whined while holding his tummy.

"I think I ate a child." James whined.

"I'm so taking a nap." Logan sighed and put his towel over his face.

"I have a food baby." Colette giggled and looked down at her belly and poked it, so amused with herself, and yet no one called her stupid.

Why can't people be like that towards me? Just…not calling me stupid for things that I do?

"Hey can someone hand me the pitcher of lemonade? I'll go refill it." Tim asked and sine the lemonade was next to me I got up and started to walk towards him, but I tripped over Kendall's shoes and fell backwards, the pitcher going up in the air before falling on the ground and smashing on my feet. "Alright I guess I don't have to fill that up, shit." He sighed and started walking towards me and I couldn't help but feel like the biggest moron in the world.

"Shit Los!" Kendall sat up in his chair, "I'm so sorry!"

"Dude are you alright?" Logan asked and came over to help me with James.

"I'm fine I'm completely fine." I nodded, I felt just fine. Sure the glass cut my feet and part of my leg but it wasn't a pain that was foreign to me.

"Come on I'll clean you up." Tim said but Colette stopped him.

"I can do it, you should clean the glass you know I always miss the little pieces." Colette nodded and looked at me, "Do you mind?"

"Uh…no but really it's okay."

"I can help him." Logan offered, but Colette was stubborn and shook her head.

"It's fine I can do it, you guys just…relax and try not to get hurt." She told them before walking inside with me. We got to the bathroom and she made me sit on the toilet while she sat in front of me and pulled out a first aid kit and tweezers.

"Colette I'm so sorry about the pitcher I'll get you a new one! I really didn't mean to—"

"Don't worry about it Carlos I don't care about the pitcher, it's just an item." She smiled up at me and patted my leg. "So this will sting and stuff, and it will probably scar—"

"It's fine, scars don't bother me." I told her with a careless shrug, they don't, I have so many of them now…

"That's fine, they don't bother me either." She told me, glancing up at me before pulling glass out of my ankle with the tweezers. "Scars tell stories that make it so you can't forget what happened. Each one has a memory. Good or bad, they make you who you are." She said quietly as she uncapped a bottle of alcohol and dabbed it onto a towel. "When they fade sometimes we think our story is going to be forgotten, but just because they've faded it doesn't mean they're gone. They'll always till be there, they make us who we are, they remind us to never forget what we've overcame." Suddenly this conversation about scars became…really serious, and it was…odd.

"You know a lot about scars." I said quietly, and she nodded at me with a small smile. "How'd you get that one on your hand?" I pointed down at her hand. She stopped cleaning my cuts and examined her knuckles.

"I liked to punch things." Colette answered, "I used to be very angry, very stressed, and I punched things. I've broken my knuckles before, I've gotten countless stitches, broken countless mirrors and windows...now all that's left are scars." She answered, waving her hand at me before putting on a few band aids. "There…all better."

"Thank you Colette." I smiled at her and stood up just as she did, and she stared at me before putting a hand on my shoulder.

"No problem Carlos…a boy like you shouldn't be hurting." She smiled and kissed my forehead before dragging me out the bathroom.

Okay, I feel both relieved, and…butterflies in my stomach, and confused.


	4. Chapter 4

**(Emy. Elle: Oh it's so going to be an interesting story I promise!**

**Thesandbar: They absolutely are falling for each other and have a lot of similarities that they'll soon find out about. But yeah it's sad that someone with such a precious smile holds so much pain inside.**

**Mrs. ShayMaslow: YEAH GO CARLOS! He's awesome he shouldn't give up just because James can get every girl!**

**ValentineZombie: It definitely is, and Carlos has someone around that knows exactly what he's going through and is going to support him, he just needs to tell his 'brothers'! **

**AddictedToMusic: Yay I'm glad you liked it, and oh yeah James got his ass thrown into the pool, that's oaky he probably looks so sexy when wet**

**Tokala: Colette can be like Carlos' medicine!**

**Am4muzik: I like her too, for Carlos not for James! She has some wise words that seem to be sticking with Carlos and it's all for the better.**

**Kachilee07: Well you know Kendall; he looks out for his brothers so of course he's going to make sure Carlos gets what he wants, even if he has to do it for him lmao. Why thank you I'm glad you liked her little speech, couldn't mess it up ya know? Don't worry, I want to push them together and yell 'NOW KISS' too, it would be so cute.)**

* * *

I was very determined to cut myself the day we went to Colette's house. I was so mad at myself for making stupid little mistakes like breaking the pitcher or letting her see my scars, I felt so dumb! But I don't know, what she said to me when she was helping me just…it stuck with me. I had this calm feeling come over me and the urge to hurt myself wasn't strong, so I didn't do it! Random people don't just stop me from cutting myself. The only times I hadn't cut myself was because of my brothers, or Katie or Mama Knight, they'd say something or stick up for me and made things feel relatively okay.

In fact, today I have a date with Colette.

I know, I'm surprised too! Logan pushed me to do it, even James was in on it which I was surprised. But James said he wasn't 'feeling it' about Colette, and that he had a date with some girl at the Palm Woods so Colette was all mine. Although, I think Kendall might have said something to him, but I don't care because now I have a date with her!

I'll admit though, I'm really nervous. Apparently I have a record of screwing up dates, that's what the guys told me at least. They said my belching and breaking things is kind of a turn off, so I just have to be a little less….comfortable. I was so nervous asking her out but James just shoved me into her as we were leaving her house and I kind of just blurted it out.

Actually, I said 'hey date sometime!' but um, she said yes anyway!

"Alright, breath check!" James clapped his hands together and stood in front of me. I opened my mouth and blew my breath into his face and he gave me a thumb up. "Alright good, take these for after you eat, or anytime you think your breath isn't kissable." He nodded and slipped a pack of mints into the pocket of my sports coat.

"Money for the date?" Logan asked, and I took my wallet out of my back pocket and we both peered inside. "More than enough, alright good job." Logan smiled and patted my shoulder.

"Keys to the Big Time Rush mobile." Kendall smiled and handed me the keys to car Gustavo had bought for us when only Logan had his learner's permit, now we all have our licenses. "Remember open doors and pull out her chair, got it?"

"Got it, thanks you guys." I smiled and nodded, feeling myself start to sweat already. "I hope I don't screw this date up…she's really pretty and nice."

"I don't think you'll screw it up dude." James shook his head.

"Yeah you seem to really like her! Short amount of time too." Logan shrugged and nodded before glancing at Kendall.

"What we mean is, you really like her, so you're not going to mess up anything." Kendall patted me on the back before shoving me at the door. "Now have a good date."

"Oh and Carlos!" James called and I turned around as I opened the door, "Get flowers!"

FUCK WHAT KIND OF FLOWERS DO I GET!?

"No problem!" I nodded nervously and ran out of the apartment. Shit I forgot to buy flowers, now I have to make sure to get some that look nice and not crappy. Do I get roses or something else? Shit what if she's allergic to flowers?

Oh man this date was a bad idea.

I pulled up at a pharmacy that was selling flowers outside and I grabbed a bouquet that had a bunch of yellow and pink flowers. Pink is close to purple, maybe she'll like it! I went inside and grabbed a box of chocolate, and I was so nervous that I almost forgot to pay.

* * *

I FORGOT TO MAKE RESERVATIONS FOR THE RESTAURANT.

HOW STUPID CAN I POSSIBLY GET? THAT WAS THE MAIN THING AND I FUCKING FORGOT IT WHAT A GOD DAMN IDIOT!

"I'm so sorry Colette I can't believe I forgot to make reservations!" I frowned and I could feel my cheeks turning red in embarrassment, ugh I'm so stupid! I'm such a fucking moron like everybody says.

"Don't worry about it Carlos it's no big deal." She smiled and leaned her head on my shoulder as we walked out the restaurant. "Besides did you pay attention to the guy you were talking to? He was so mean, a total stick in the mud, I think we got lucky with you not making the reservation." She smiled at me, and I felt a little better, but I still felt dumb.

"Yeah but now we have nowhere to have dinner…"

"Not true!" Colette walked to the car and hopped in, "I know a great place, just drive and I'll tell you where to go!" She smiled at me as she smoothed down her yellow sun dress, and I couldn't help but feel a little better and start to drive. I don't know, there's something about her smiling and how...relaxed she is that makes me feel less anxious.

I let Colette lead the way and found myself almost at the outskirts of town, but I was now parked in what looked like a really bright retro diner. "Come on!" She grinned and pulled me out of the car, running inside and saying hello to the hostess in front before dragging me all the way to the back and sliding side a red booth that resembled an old cherry red muscle car.

"I guess you've been here before?" I asked and she shrugged and nodded with a little grin on her face.

"I come here a lot, the hostess knows me by name, and she also says I need to find a new restaurant but she doesn't mean it!" Colette chuckled and moved the napkin dispenser and showed me a carving that had been done in the booth.

_Colette was here! YEAH!_

_Colette this is Vandalism—Tim_

"Wow, you didn't get in trouble for that?" I asked and she shook her head.

"No way, I totally claimed it as my booth." She smiled, "I hope you don't mind coming here! It just seems like the kind of place you would like too!"

"I don't mind," I shook my head looking around. There were neon lights and car booths of all different colors. The pillars in the restaurant were bright red with black and white pictures or old concert posters on them, the walls a bright white so the other colors stood out against it. It looked really cool.

"Hi Colette, oh this doesn't look like Tim. Finally, I was wondering when you'd have a date." The hostess remarked as she set two menus and water in front of us, and I watched as Colette turned completely red. "Hi I'm Marie I'll be your waitress even though I'm not supposed to be I can't help but be nosy and spy on her." Marie smiled and ruffled Colette's hair.

Wow, she seems really embarrassed, but it's cute! It's not me feeling embarrassed for once!

"Gee thanks Marie." Colette smiled a bit and watched as she left. "Sorry about her…she acts like a really embarrassing mom sometimes."

"I don't mind she seems nice." I smiled at Colette and glanced down at the menu. First we had mozzarella sticks as an appetizer, and they were so damn good. The cheese just would not stop stretching! I might have slipped up in becoming too comfortable and I kind of burped after the first one, but Colette didn't seem like she noticed, and if she did then she's good at acting!

Oh, well I guess that explains why she's an actress…

Then I got a chicken parm hero, and that came with some of the best French fries I've ever had. Colette got chicken fingers and fries, she rocked side to side as she ate and I found it to be really cute. _Plus_ her friend gave us milkshakes on the house. She said no good diner experience could go without milkshakes.

Oh my god was she right, they were so freaking good.

After we ate I paid for dinner and we hopped back in the car so I could drive down to the pier and we could take a walk. I thought about going on some rides but I don't know if I'll be able to handle it, that sandwich was huge and we did eat a lot, I don't want to throw up on her!

….But when we got to the pier there was funnel cake and I really needed to have some.

"Um Colette?" I glanced over at her watching as she brought a piece of funnel cake to her mouth, getting powdered sugar all over her mouth. "Why do you know...uh so much about scars?"

"I know what it's like to be unhappy." She said with a small shrug as she continued to eat. "I've been there, we've all been there. Some of us are a little more unhappy than others, but it gets better." She wiped her mouth with a napkin and glanced over at me, "it always gets better; sometimes it just takes longer than it feels like it should."

…Colette seems older than she really is.

"You're nineteen right?" I chuckled nervously, "You sound really smart for someone who's supposed to be just a teenager."

"Hey, being a teenager doesn't mean I can't be smart!" She joked and elbowed me, "But yes don't worry we are the same age, I'm not some creepy cougar going after you Carlos. I guess I'm just a little wise beyond my years." She shrugged and looked around and spotted the bumper cars, and her eyes just lit up. "We're going on those!"

"Okay!" I couldn't help but grin and nod as she dragged me a long.

"OH and by the way?" She turned around and stared at me and I just stood there wondering what she wanted, maybe I somehow messed up and insulted her. I wouldn't be surprised if I had just undone the great time we had. " You have sugar right here." She said before grabbing my face and pecking me on the lips before dragging me off to the bumper cars.

… WOO-HOO YES! OH MY GOD YES!

* * *

After telling the guys about my date I stepped in the shower and sighed happily to myself. At first I thought the date was going to be a complete nightmare and that Colette was going to demand to never see me again. I freaked out about the flowers, but she happened to love them! She even cracked open the box of chocolate in the car and fed me some as we drove to the first restaurant. Then I found the reservations hadn't been made I was ready to take her home and just lock myself in my room and pull out my blade, but….she fixed things and made the night even better. Then she kissed me! Not only before bumper cars but when I took her home she kissed me _again_.

THAT MEANS SHE LIKES ME.

A GIRL GENUINELY LIKES ME AND ISN'T TRYING TO CHANGE ME!

HOLY FUCK I FEEL LIKE A MILLION BUCKS!

I couldn't help but grin, even when I looked down at myself, looking at my scars and thinking over everything she said, I was smiling. Maybe I can be happy!

I just hope things don't go south from here, but I guess I would be used to that happening…

Although, I kind of wonder what made her grow up so fast and sound so wise beyond her years.

As I stepped out of the shower I dried myself off and continued to look at my scars. That proud feeling started to go away as I kept staring at them and started to remember the mistakes I had done in the first place. I sighed and took one of the disposable razors we had and took the blade part out. I brought the blade to my wrist.

Just one cut, just one cut was all I needed to forget about the mistakes I made, to make myself forget about that part of the night and just remember all the good that happened.

I did one small cut, as opposed to the usual three or four bigger ones I would do. All I needed was one. After cleaning up the blood I put my watch back on and stared at myself in the mirror. I knew I couldn't go long without cutting myself. As great as the date was in the end, the beginning and all my mistakes bothered me, but hey, that one cut made me feel a little bit more relaxed. It helped to get rid of some of the tension. Maybe next time I won't make the same mistakes like a complete moron.


	5. Chapter 5

**(am4muzik: Glad you like Colette! Yeah she's pretty good for Carlos, it's a good thing the guys pushed him for that date!**

**Jenno2: LOL how could anyone not be in love with Carlos? He's absolutely perfect!**

**Thesandbar: Yeah, I think if Carlos is happy with her and things don't take a downward fall then he can stop cutting!**

**Kachile07: IT WAS AN ADORABLE DATE! I'M SO JEALOUS OF IT AND I'M THE ONE THAT WROTE IT, THAT'S A LITTLE SAD! LMAO! But yeah, she's easy-going so that's perfect for him, I think she's just what he needs.)**

_**Okay guys I'm sorry I'm updating this so much! I know I have other stories I just can't help it, I feel very passionate about this story! I know, it seems very weird to feel so passionate about a story that's basically hurting Carlos and it's a terrible experience for the character but I'm drawing on my personal experiences and I suppose that's why I feel so passionate about it.**_

* * *

This morning we had absolutely nothing to do. We were supposed to record with Gustavo but he had to cancel because he had a meeting with a few sponsors, so we all had a free day. I know I woke up early to watch my cartoons but then I fell asleep on the couch. When I woke up it was because of James yelling and going crazy. I sat up and rubbed my eyes but before I could fully open them James was yelling at me.

"Carlos! Did you touch the mousse? It's completely empty and there's holes in the can what the hell happened!?" He yelled at me. Oh great, that's right…I forgot to replace it.

"I'm so sorry James I knocked it over in the bathroom and it exploded, I was going to replace it honestly I just…forgot." I told him and James just sighed heavily before nodding.

"I wish you told me." James shook his head and walked away, complaining that his hair was going to be lifeless and limp. Crap that's right, he has to go on a date with that girl in a few minutes they're going to the aquarium! Great now he's going to go on his date and he's going to be worried about his hair. I can't believe I did that to him I feel like complete shit. If it wasn't for my clumsy ass knocking things over in the shower he wouldn't be upset with me in the first place.

"James I'm sorry!" I yelled out to him.

"It's fine Carlos!" James yelled back from the bathroom, but it's not fine, I know it isn't. Even though he's saying it is there's no way it's perfectly fine.

Sigh…

After James left the apartment I went down to the lobby to get some snacks to try to make myself feel better. I went to the snack machine to get some of my fruit snacks but of course my dollar got stuck in the machine. Isn't this just the start of a great day?

"Come on!" I groaned and smacked the machine a couple of times.

"Carlos! What are you doing?" Bitters hobbled over with that ugly mean look on his face.

"The stupid machine took my dollar!" I frowned and smacked the machine again.

"Alright Carlos that doesn't mean you need to start beating my machine! You're so hyper all the time do you really need more fruit snacks? I'll have Buddha Bob fix it when he can." He shook his head before walking away from me.

"Wait! Can't you just open the machine and get it for me yourself?" I sighed and Bitters laughed and kept on walking.

"I could but I won't!" He called out before going back behind the desk.

Oh great, now I don't have my fruit snacks, I'm out a dollar, Bitters is an asshole and James is mad at me. Could this day possibly get any worse?

I went back to the apartment and grabbed a big tub of ice cream then went to my room and lay on bed while eating it. Ugh, I don't understand how I can have such a shitty start to a day. I thought it was finally going to be a good day with no errors but of course, I can never have a good day. I mean seriously, don't I deserve a day where I don't feel like shit or am I just not allowed to have that sort of luck? Fucking Kendall is off on a picnic with Lucy, Logan is watching Camille on set, James is on a date, and I'm stuck at home feeling like shit because I have awful luck. It's not fucking fair!

I put the ice cream down and sat up in bed. Maybe I'm just acting like a little bitch about all this.

Great, now I'm a whiny little brat always complaining about things. Things could be so much worse but I just find something to complain about and feel dumb and useless….Ugh, I hate myself, I really do. I shook my head and pounded my fist on the night stand before standing and stalking around the room like an angry cat. I don't want to cut, I shouldn't but the urge is so strong…

There's always something wrong. Always something to make me feel miserable. Maybe I'm over-reacting and I have nothing to be upset about because there are bigger problems in the world and other people have it a lot worse than I do but I can't help how I feel!

I CAN'T HELP HOW I FEEL!

I opened my wallet and took out the little blade. I didn't have a lot of space left on my wrist, I need to wait until some cuts heal before I start cutting again, so I dropped my pants and started cutting my thighs. I set the blade down and leaned back on my elbows staring at my work. Two cuts on each thigh, the blood slowly trickling out and running in different directions. I reached over to the tissue box and started to wipe up the blood, holding tissues over the cuts to catch the blood so I wouldn't have to keep wiping.

Ugh, it just…it relieves the tension I have inside. It gives me this sense of relief and all the pain I feel inside just seems to go away when I add a new pain to the mix. It's wrong, I know it is but…it helps me.

I remember the first time I had cut myself. It happened when I caught Hollywood fever. After Kendall helped us all get rid of I just…I thought long and hard about _everything_ about me. How I was acting when I had it, how I was acting when I didn't. How _stupid_ I was, especially letting those girls manipulate me that way. I started to over think every little thing and what everyone was saying about me. How Bitters would talk down to me, how Gustavo would yell…I couldn't stop thinking about all the mistakes I would make and all my misfortune, and I just…everything was blown out of proportion so quickly and the only thing that came to mind was hurting myself because I couldn't bear to tell the guys what's going on with me. I don't want them to think I'm crazy or that their friend needs to be checked into a clinic…

I'm not crazy, and I definitely don't need to be checked into a clinic!

I balled up the napkins and threw myself back on the bed to stare up at the ceiling, just trying to enjoy the silence of my mind until the phone rang. "Hello?" I sighed; I didn't even glance at caller ID.

"Hey Carlos, hope I'm not bothering you!" I heard Colette's cheery voice, and suddenly I felt guilty and stupid for what I had just done.

I'm so hopeless.

"No not at all Colette, what's up?"

"I was just wondering….well since I finished shooting for the day I thought you and I could hang out! We could get ice cream or just take a walk, do you want to?"

"Of course! Yeah that would be great, uh where should I meet you?"

"I can meet you at the Palm Woods if you're there!"

"Sure that works."

"Great I'll see you in a few minutes." Then she hung up the phone. I scrambled to get all of the bloody napkins and fix myself up. After tossing those away I went downstairs and waited nervously in the lobby, until she walked in with a smile on her face. "Hey!" She smiled and immediately hugged me tightly.

Her hugs are nice, they're warm and…they just feel …sweet.

"Hey Colette, you look pretty." I smiled at her, she always looked pretty.

"Thank you handsome." She grinned and linked arms with me, already leading the way out of the lobby. "The park looks cool and I've never been there, can we walk around there?"

"Yeah of course, whatever you want." I nodded to her and walked around the park with her in silence for a few minutes until she spoke up.

"What's the matter Carlos?" Colette asked quietly while running her fingers up and down my arm. What? How could she know something happened?

"What? Nothing's wrong." I smiled and shook my head at her, "Why would you think that?"

"Your smile." She said with a straight face gazing at me, "You have a broken smile."

"B-broken smile? B-but I…no—"

"Carlos, I've had a broken smile so many times before. I've seen it all my life, I can tell when someone has that same look about them. I know I'm rushing things between us and I am…most definitely over-stepping some boundaries here but you can talk to me. Or not." She shrugged her shoulders, "You don't have to talk at all, and you can just…call me to hang out. We could sit in silence or go bowling or get food, whatever it is…but you can't hide your pain from me." She said quietly while holding the left side of my face. "You look…_so sweet_ Carlos. You have a bright, beautiful smile but the look in your eyes makes it look like you're dying inside. You're hiding your feelings behind this …hard exterior, like a candy shell and—"

"I'm not happy." I blurted out and sighed, "I mean…I feel comfortable with you, and happy, but…things bother me. Little things bother me so easily and I know they shouldn't but—"

"But it just eats at you, right?" She tilted her head to the side, "All those emotions start building up and they eat at you and you feel like you can't tell anyone because they'll judge you, so it stays as your dirty little secret, slowly murdering you inside making you do things to yourself that you know you shouldn't, but it just feels good and makes it all feel right….is that it?" Colette asked, and I found myself stunned silent at how well she understood it. "I know that feeling Carlos…it's okay."

"How do you know so much about this Colette?" I asked and she shook her head.

"My story doesn't matter." She replied and gave me a tight hug," But I'm here for you." After a quiet minute together I actually…spoke.

"I feel better." I nodded a bit and pulled away. "I mean…I know I didn't say anything…but I feel a little better."

"Good." Colette smiled and kissed my cheek, "I'm glad…its little steps. Come on, I'll treat you to some ice cream." She grinned and grabbed my hand dragging me over to the ice cream man.

"Colette why are you...so nice and helping me?" I sighed and she stopped walking and turned around to face me.

"I like you Carlos. I like you a lot, and I know what it's like to feel broken." Was all she said before kissing me and leading me off to get more ice cream.


	6. Chapter 6

**(Jenno2: Thank you very much! I hope you continue to enjoy the story, and yeah Carlos is awfully adorable.**

**Tokala: Yeah, baby steps for Carlos! At least she put a little crack in the candy shell**

**Am4muzik: Haha very sneaky indeed lol, thank you. But yeah, he does have someone he can talk to that isn't' family, and that seems to be easier.**

**Emy. Elle: Well I hope that one hand slap one hand clap is no longer applicable**

**AddictedToMusic18: Yeah! She could help him not to hurt himself as much**

**DeniseDEMD: OHH I remember that girl! Yeah she better not be playing with Carlos, it would destroy him and I think the guys would actually murder her.**

**Kachilee07: well I'm glad I pleasantly surprised you with how I put this together! That was my main concern too and I almost was not going to write this, but I decided to say fuck it and I wrote it anyway, might as well! And hey it's not turning out so bad, I mean look at Carlos he went on a nice mini-date and now he has someone to help him along the way.**

**Mrs. ShayMaslow: Damn right that doesn't mean he's stupid! He has a sweet girl that cares for him, he should see himself like she sees him)**

* * *

After taking my shower and getting ready for the day I ran to the kitchen to get some food. As I was pouring my bowl of captain crunch and chocolate chip cookies, I noticed the guys were all sitting on the sofa and staring at me. Shit, they didn't find out about my scars did they? Oh god what if Colette told them behind my back!?

NO!

They'll treat me differently and look at me like I'm insane and—

"Hey Los come sit with us for a sec we have to talk." Kendall said as he patted the spot between him and Logan. I sighed and after pouring the milk and grabbing a spoon, I slowly made my way towards them and sat in between them. This is when it happens, the end of Big Time Rush because the guys are going to think I'm crazy and send me somewhere to get help.

"So you know how we always have a talk together about the chicks we meet?" James asked.

Wait…huh?

"Oh…yeah like last week we met about you dating Christine and said she was a ho!" I smiled a lot and nodded quickly, realizing that they weren't going to talk about me cutting at all and that meant they had no idea what I was doing. Thank god for that.

"Yeah pretty much." Logan chuckled and turned to pat James on the back who was sulking. Logan _hated_ Christine because she kept calling him a loser nerd. None of us liked it, but she did it when James wasn't around so we had to tell him it was time for her to go. "Anyway we wanted to talk about Colette."

"Wait what's wrong with Colette?" I frowned and looked at all of them with my mouth full of cereal and cookies. "She's pretty, and nice, and she's not dumb and—"

"Dude relax it's nothing bad!" James said with a grin on his face.

"Yeah, we wanted to say we approve." Kendall smiled at me.

"I….really? You approve of her?" I blinked and stared at them with wide eyes, and all three of my brothers nodded in agreement.

"Yeah you seem different now that you're with her." Logan told me.

"Good different though!" James added quickly, "You just seem like you're happier."

"Yeah I mean, I think she's good for you dude. You don't seem as stressed out as you are." Kendall smiled and patted my shoulder. "Anyway, hurry up and eat we have to go record with Gustavo."

"No problem." I nodded and ate my breakfast as fast as I could. It feels so good to know that the guys like Colette because if they didn't…I don't know what would happen because I really like her. I'm just happy that there isn't a reason for me to worry; I don't know how I'd be able to handle that. Anyway, I finished my cereal and quickly left with the guys to Rocque Records. I feel pretty good right now, and Colette says when I have a good feeling I should hold on to it and don't let it get pushed away. So hopefully things go smoothly when we're recording.

* * *

"I don't know what is wrong with you guys today but you SUCK!" Gustavo screamed at us through the microphone while Kelly stood behind him, rolling her eyes and trying to calm him down. "Logan for some reason you can't seem to carry a god damn note to save your life!" He yelled, and Logan inhaled deeply, just holding his breath in anger and not even exhaling.

"Kendall I don't know what's going on with you but you're singing like a complete GIRL today! I wanted higher pitch not ESTROGEN!" He smacked his hand on the control panel and narrowed his eyes at James and me.

"James you've been too sharp this entire time! You sound like a squealing pig and it is _awful_. How can I record a song when you sound like that huh!?" He growled, and finally it was my turn to get berated by him.

"Carlos you suck! What are you sick or something? It sounds like you have nails and loose change stuck in your throat! The four of you sound _awful_ today! I'm not doing this. Get out of my studio and go home! You four need to practice your singing and STOP SUCKING SO MUCH!" Gustavo yelled, the four of us dropped our headphones and quietly left the studio.

"Man, I really hate him sometimes." Logan sighed and scratched the back of his neck.

"_Sometimes_? I want to push him off of a cliff." James growled and threw the doors open to leave the studio.

"You know what? Let's just not go in tomorrow, we'll show Gustavo he can't treat us like crap, because if he does we just won't do anything." Kendall nodded defiantly and glanced at all of us, immediately we all agreed with him. I'm tired of this, he makes me feel useless and like I have no talent. Colette says not to feel like that because it's not true, but hearing it beaten into my skull kind of forces me to believe it.

"I'm fine with that." I nodded and shoved my hands into my pockets, "I'm going to go visit Colette on set."

"Have fun dude." Logan nodded and started walking towards the car.

"Yeah tell her to come hang out with us!" Kendall added as he followed him, but instead of going right with them James stopped in front of me.

"Uh everything okay James?" I shifted my weight between my feet nervously and James nodded and scratched his head.

"I don't know I guess I feel like we don't see you as much anymore. I'm happy you have a girlfriend that's nice and likes you and stuff but I miss hanging out with my friend." James chewed on his bottom lip and shrugged, "Uh…yeah so I'll see you later." He said quickly. I didn't even get a chance to respond. All I did was watch the guys drive away, leaving me to walk to the studio only a few blocks away.

I started to walk there, thinking that maybe Colette could be on a break or be able to take five minutes so we could talk for a little bit. But no, maybe I'll just be bothering her, and I don't want to bother her. I would hate to make Colette mad at me. She's so nice to me and likes me and deals with me being…me but maybe me stopping by is just going to cause a problem.

I already have James mad at me. Sure he didn't say he was mad or anything but he probably thinks that. He said he doesn't see me and wants to hang out with me. I make him feel like I abandoned him, what if the other guys think that?!

I don't want anyone to think I've abandoned them but of course stupid, stupid me knows just how to do that without even trying to. I can't believe I did that. James said it but they must all feel abandoned by me. Maybe seeing Colette is wrong. She makes me happy but the guys feel like I abandoned them!

I stopped walking to the studio and just stood in the middle of the sidewalk shaking my head. I can't go there, I can't see her, it's like choosing her over the guys and I can't make that decision. But I can't go home either; I can't go home and face the guys. I just…I don't feel like I can, and I don't want to show up and not be happy or say the wrong thing or start acting like I miss Colette and it's just going to be a disaster if I show up I know it is!

Instead of going home and instead of visiting Colette I just started walking. I don't know where I'm going but I know I just…I can't go to them. I have to be alone and by myself right now. After walking around for I don't even know how long, I found myself sitting at this part of the beach that looked deserted because there was barely any sand, mostly just rocks and trees, a lot of shade to hide myself in as I climbed over the rocks and sat between a few of them.

I can't believe what I did. I hurt the guys, the people whom I've never wanted to hurt. I' m probably going to end up hurting Colette too, because that's just how it works with me, I always manage to hurt someone and I can't stand it.

I shook my head and reached into my wallet, digging through the pocket and pulling out my blade. As soon as I did so my phone was ringing, and I looked to see that it was James calling. I ended the call and realized there were texts from Kendall and Logan, and even one from Colette asking what I was up to.

Well, I'm not up to anything good.

I took my watch off and started to cut my wrist, but that didn't feel like enough. I wasn't going to drop my pants either, not in public. I rolled up the sleeves of my hoodie even more and cut a little higher up on my wrist. Three…four…just a few more cuts to make everything better.


	7. Chapter 7

**(Tokala: Yea someone had a relapse…poor Carlos**

**Emy. Elle: Well sometimes grabbing them by their shoulders and telling them that they're worth something and perfect doesn't always work, it takes a lot to make someone feeling that low of them to actually feel like they are worth something**

**Jenno2: Glad you loved it, but yeah that's tough for him**

**ValentineZombie: Well his friends are going to find out soon!**

**AddictedToMusic18: They absolutely are, and poor Carlos misreads everything…**

**Am4muzik: You're right it is hard to see that when you feel down but hopefully something can help him see how great he is!**

**Thesandbar: Sadly no one can see the pain and Carlos feels alone, but that's about to change!)**

* * *

I sat there like a hopeless loser, letting the blood flow from my forearm and wrist onto the rocks. Since the tide was coming in, the water was hitting the rocks and soon enough I'd be able to watch the blood get washed away. Good, it should go away, everything has to go away. I'm so stupid! I did a stupid thing, Colette wouldn't be proud of me for cutting myself she'd probably be disappointed in me. Yeah I didn't exactly _tell_ her I do it or show her my scars but she knows and…she'll think I'm just a big disappointment. A loser with no self-control, and I guess that's all I really am.

I was so busy hating myself and watching the blood drip, that when I heard a shoe skid behind me I nearly jumped into the water. I turned around quickly and I was shocked to see the guys coming down the rocks, James holding the back of Logan's shirt because I guess he had slipped. Oh shit, no they're going to see me; I don't even know how they knew I was here. I stood up and swallowed as I pulled my sleeve down, feeling a lump in my throat that just wouldn't go away.

"Carlos! Man we were so worried about you, where have you been? Were you here this whole time?" Kendall sighed in relief and glanced at me. I was quiet; stunned actually, I didn't know what to say at first.

"Oh I was uh; you know just looking for mermaids." I smiled remembering a couple of years ago back home when I told the guys I was looking for mermaids. I really was, I thought I had saw one in a lake back in Minnesota but it turns out it was just a plastic bag under water.

"Kendall…" James said quietly and pointed down to the rocks by my feet. I looked down to follow their gaze and saw the puddle of blood just starting to be washed away. "Carlos? What are you—"

"Nothing!" I said quickly and stepped back thinking there was somewhere for me to go, but I just began to slip, completely forgetting about the water because I'm an absolute moron just like everybody says. Logan leaned forward and grabbed a hold of my forearm to pull me back, making me wince and cringe at the pain of him squeezing my cuts. Since James was pulling on Logan, the two of them pulled me back and Kendall grabbed a hold of my other arm to keep me from falling in. When Logan took his hand away he looked down at it and saw blood coating his palm.

"Carlos….what…" He blinked rapidly and kept looking between me and his hand.

"Just…leave me alone!" I said quickly and started climbing past them but James grabbed my other arm and turned me around. "Let go of my fucking arm!"

"You're not going anywhere without us Los." James said, and he was not letting me go. "We're taking you home." He said while looking down at my bloody sweater before quickly looking away, great he's too disgusted to even look at me.

"I don't want to go home I want to be alone!"

"You can't be alone!" James shouted at me and that…actually scared me.

"What he means is…" Kendall said quickly and sighed, "We want to be with you Carlos this…this is scary."

"We're your brothers and we're here for you." Logan added, draping an arm over my shoulder. "Talk to us, we want to help you…"

* * *

Katie and Mama Knight were spending the night at a hotel across town for some sort of business convention that Katie wanted to attend, probably to con people, so the guys and I had the apartment to ourselves. When we got inside the apartment James leaned against the kitchen counter while Logan and Kendall sat on the sofa, leaving me to stand there and wonder if I could get to the stairs before anyone could stop me so I could hide in the room. "Sit down." James mumbled and pointed at the sofa. I glanced at the spot between Logan and Kendall and both of them were staring intently at me. Oh god, they hate me. They hate me so much right now…but I guess I can't blame them.

But nonetheless I sat down in between them and kept my head down.

"Why do you do that!?" James immediately shouted at me. "Why do you have to do that to yourself!? Are we not enough for you?!"

"James stop it!" Kendall yelled but James just kept on going.

"We're your brothers! How could you not tell us anything? Why do you do that to yourself? How can you…how can you hide that from us? From _me!"_ He yelled and pointed at himself specifically, "we share a room together for Christ's sake and you hid that from me!" He yelled and smacked his hand on the counter.

"JAMES SHUT UP!" Logan shouted at James.

See what I'm doing? I'm tearing them apart.

I'm ruining the friendship we have, the brotherhood. I've killed everything.

"I'm sorry!" I cried and covered my face with my hands. "I'm so sorry you just don't understand! I didn't want this to happen I never wanted you guys to yell and fight and get upset with me and each other! That wasn't what I wanted to do! You guys were never supposed to find out about this!" I shouted and found myself kicking the coffee table so hard it smacked against the wall underneath the television. I felt the weight shift around me and I knew Logan left, great, I've lost another brother.

"Why do you do it Carlos?" Kendall asked quietly.

"Why did you hide it?!" James growled.

"Because I didn't want you to see what I do to myself!" I found myself jumping out of my seat and growling at them. "IT'S NOT NORMAL AND IT'S WRONG!"

"So why do you do it?" Kendall asked again.

"BECAUSE I HATE MYSELF!" I yelled and threw myself on the floor, sitting with my legs bent and my elbows resting at my knees. I felt someone's hand on my shoulder and I looked through the tears to see Logan kneeling beside me with his first aid kit.

"Can I see it?" Logan asked quietly, and I peeled off my sweater, shoving my arm to him. Logan kept a straight face, just nodding as he opened the kit and started to clean my cuts, the burn I got from the alcohol didn't even faze me because I was so used to the pain. Kendall seemed okay with me, Logan was just quiet, but I glanced up at James and I felt like I had let him down the most.

"You hate me don't you?" I asked, and James sighed and shook his head, walking over to sit beside me on the floor.

"No, I don't hate you Carlos." He shook his head and put his arm over my shoulders, and for a moment I thought he would just strangle me. "I'm mad at myself because I didn't see you hurting. I'm mad you were able to hide it so well, and I couldn't see what was going on. I'm not mad at you I'm just…I feel dumb."

"I didn't want you to feel dumb." I mumbled and looked at Kendall and Logan too. "I don't want any of you to feel dumb or guilty, I did this to myself, I wanted to and I didn't tell you guys on purpose." Kendall opened his mouth to talk but there was a knock at the door. He quickly got up to get it, and I leaned forward to peek and try to see who was there, I could hear Colette's voice on the other side of the door.

"Hi Kendall, I wanted to know if Carlos was here and if he was okay, I haven't heard from him and I'm really worried."

Kendall glanced over at me, wondering if I wanted to see her and with regret I shook my head no. I didn't want to see her because…I'm with my brothers, and…I have to explain things to them right now.

"He's okay he's just…uhhh..." Kendall scratched his head, but he didn't have time to think of an excuse.

"I get it." She said quietly and I heard what sounded like a plastic bag crinkling. "Anyway I brought this for him, it usually makes me feel pretty better…so um, can you give this to him?"

"Yeah sure." Kendall nodded, "I'll see you around and I'll let him know you stopped by."

"Sure thing, thank you Kendall." Then Kendall closed the door and looked at the DVD before handing it to me, a box set of a few seasons of Whose Line Is It Anyway.

Why…did she give it to me?

"She said that would uh…make you feel better, does she know?" Kendall raised an eyebrow at me.

"I didn't…I didn't tell her that I cut, I didn't show her anything she just…she just sees that I'm unhappy I think she goes through the same thing, or did at least."

"Well, I guess we'll have to watch that after you talk to us." Kendall took the DVD from me and put it on the sofa. "So why do you do it?"

"Because….because I'm dumb." I muttered and looked down at the floor. "Because I'm an idiot and that's all that anyone ever sees me as! They see me as a dumb kid who can't do anything and I always upset people. I make EVERYONE mad no matter what I do! I'm clumsy and I break things and I'm just NO GOOD! THERE'S NOTHING GOOD ABOUT ME!" I shouted the last part and balled my hand up into a fist, I glanced up and my friends looked like they wanted to cry.

"Carlos…don't ever say that about yourself." Logan muttered as he finished putting the bandages over my wrist. "You're great and we love you, we wouldn't change a damn thing."

"Bull shit! THERE'S EVERYTHING I WOULD CHANGE ABOUT ME!"

* * *

_**To be continued…ahahaha**_


	8. Chapter 8

**(am4muzik: Sorry! I totally would have added another chapter last night/two am but I kind of fell asleep**

**AddictedToMusic18: Yeah and thank goodness they found him before things could have gotten bad! Well, they could have gotten drastically worse**

**Mrs. ShayMaslow: LMAO TIE HIM UP IN YOUR CLOSET! Oh man…yeah I would probably do that too**

**Jenno2: Well I wouldn't blame you for saying that a lot he totally is super adorable.**

**Emy. Elle: Well everyone has their own vice, cutting, alcohol, etc! But thank you I'm glad you think I'm doing a good job with the story! Means a lot!**

**Tokala: I think James and Carlos are the closest, well on the show they seem to be (at times) so yeah I figured James would take it the hardest, especially since they share a room together**

**ValentineZombie: Yup all that's left now is for Carlos to try and overcome his pain!**

**Kachilee07: Poor James I think he would have thrown something out the window if it wouldn't have scared the crap out of Carlos, but at least they know now and they can help him! Now Colette is just FABULOUS, she's walked that path before so she knows JUST what someone like Carlos needs.)**

* * *

"Like what Carlos?" I turned to Kendall and watched him stare at me with glossy eyes, "What could you possibly want to change about yourself?"

"How I look for one!" I huffed and got up to walk around the apartment. "I don't look like James! I can't just look at a girl and smile and have her throw herself on my feet! I'm not smooth like him either!" I yelled and pointed at James, "I can't get every single woman I see because they don't see some tall good looking dude, they see short ugly little me!"

"Carlos—"James tried to say, but I didn't let him speak.

"I'm not done!" I yelled and pointed at Logan, "I can never be as smart as you are! You always excelled in school no matter where we went! You always solve problems and you're good with money and make all these cool inventions! I can't do a damn thing like that at all! Do you know how hard it is to feel stupid!?" I shook my head and looked at Kendall.

"Let's not forget you! Mister perfect, the voice of reason that always has something to say for any situation! You always solve every problem we have! You're…_normal_! No one ever calls you stupid or weird, no one says you're annoying or you're ugly. You're…you're all what I wish I was, what I wish I had! Not some stupid short guy that everyone blames for everything, because let's face it I cause mostly all of the problems! Not just some random idiot causing so many problems! Don't you get it? I hate myself, I hate everything about me I wish I was more like you guys!" I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned against the wall. All of the guys were quietly staring at each other before James spoke up.

"Well I don't want you to be like me." James shrugged and walked towards me, "You're my partner in crime, you're nothing like me and I love that Carlos because….I'm annoying and we'd probably fight over girls way more than we usually do! I love you the way you are you're so adventurous and you're the only one willing to do the really crazy insane stuff with me." James told me before giving me a tight hug.

"Yeah! I'm glad you're not a genius like me because then I'd feel out of place, like I could be replaceable…but you're not stupid Carlos. Just because you don't know a bunch of medical stuff doesn't mean you aren't smart. You always seem to know what's going to happen next…I don't know how you do it but you manage to do that! You're great at sports, unlike me, and you're just…so much more fun and relaxed than I am. I don't want you to be like me, because then you wouldn't be you, and you're awesome!" Logan reached out and hugged me too.

"Carlos, I'm definitely not normal or Mr. Perfect, have you seen my eyebrows?" Kendall joked and wiggled them, and I have to admit, it did get a little smile from me. "I can't solve everyone's problems, and I definitely can't solve it alone, I always have you guys to help me out. Carlos…I don't know why you hate yourself so much." Kendall sighed and shook his head. "Obviously you're different than us, and that's what makes you well...you! That's why Colette seems to like you so much. Yeah you're different than us but that's why there's a girl out there that happens to really like you, because you're your own person and we love who you are. You're our best friend, our _brother_ and there's not a damn thing we could ever want to change about you." Kendall stepped forward and pulled me into a tight hug.

Huh….well I don't know. Maybe being me isn't so bad after all.

"Stop hurting yourself like that dude." James said, "If something bothers you tell us! I'll kill anyone!"

"Yeah!" Kendall added.

"Wait what? We could go to jail for that." Logan said with wide eyes making Kendall shove him and getting a laugh out of me.

"I…I don't think I can promise to stop." I muttered and they all stopped laughing instantly. "It's hard. I've tried to do it on my own but it's so hard and you don't understand the urges! The urge just comes up and you can't simply ignore it, it won't go away until you do it and—"

"It's fine, we're here and you won't have to do it alone." James said with a nod.

"Yeah...just give us the razor." Logan nodded. I didn't want to give it to them, it's _my_ razor and I can do what I want, but I reached into the wallet and pulled out the blade. Logan took the razor and wrapped it up in tissue before tossing it in the garbage. "No more of you hurting yourself, this is the start of a new Carlos…a happier one right?"

"Yeah…sounds good." I nodded a bit, I hope he's right. I hope this can be the start of a new Carlos a happy Carlos that doesn't cut himself and disappoint everyone.

"Alright so let's watch that DVD!" Kendall smiled and clapped his hands together.

* * *

So…I know I didn't want to tell my brothers anything but…I think it's kind of good that they found out, they understand me! Heck today we totally got revenge on Gustavo for being a jerk to us! We went into his office and coated the entire thing in shaving cream and whipped cream, now he has to spend the day trying to get all of it out, including the smell. But yeah it was great, and then afterwards we all grabbed lunch, and did the same thing to Bitters! Oh and we put super glue on his keyboard so now his fingers are stuck to it!

Today is an AWESOME day I feel…I feel a lot better! The DVDs that Colette sent me was a great idea. They were hilarious! They were so funny that we were all crying of laughter, it was like the perfect way to lighten the mood after everything we went through.

I figured since I ignored Colette yesterday I could see her today! So I went and got some flowers and went over to the studio where she films. After being escorted to her dressing room I waited around and after a few minutes she opened the door, and I hid my face with flowers so she was surprised. "Hey Colette!"

"Hi Carlos," I heard her giggle and take the flowers from me and I got to watch her inhale deeply before pulling me in and shutting the door, "You look good! Very vibrant smile." She winked at me and put the flowers on the table then dropped herself onto the little sofa. "I take it things went well yesterday?"

"Yeah! Well…no not really. Things were really bad at first. Really bad I didn't…know what to do." I shook my head, avoiding the details of what went on, "But I talked to my brothers, and things are a little better now."

"That's good Carlos! That's so good I'm proud of you." She smiled and leaned over to hug me tightly, "You deserve to be happy. And see that? You have such a beautiful smile when something isn't bothering you." She smiled and poked my cheek. I chuckled and looked down nervously before cupping her face and kissing her.

I like her; I really like her I don't know I just feel…so drawn to her!

"Oh I liked that kiss Carlos! I could do it all day." She smiled and rested her hands on my shoulders as she started to kiss me more and more. The guys were right, for some reason she likes me! I can't figure out what it is yet, but…It feels really good to know that someone likes me like that! The Jennifers were always trying to change me, and girls just don't seem to like me when I start to speak, but Colette can't keep her hands off me!

"I could do that all day too." I smiled and had to pull away a bit because um…well the kissing was really nice. It was _really_ nice actually and I didn't want to embarrass myself or make it awkward or make her uncomfortable or do something stupid and make her hate me—No Carlos, no negative thoughts!

"So I was thinking…umm…" I looked down at my hand noticing Colette grabbed it and began to play with my fingers, making them walk around or 'do splits' or something like my fingers were somebody's legs. "If uh, you wanted to hang out with me and the guys again tonight? Maybe when you're done filming I can pick you up or you could meet us…"

"Definitely sounds awesome!" Colette nodded and kissed my hand, "We wrap up tonight at eight, have to film a few scenes in the dusk and a little at night. I'll be defending myself from werewolf cheerleaders." She giggled and rolled her eyes, "So silly…but yeah! Just call and let me know and I'll meet you guys after work."

"Great!" I grinned and hugged her tightly "I really can't wait….oh and Colette?" I pulled away and stared at her, she tilted her head to the side wondering what I was going to ask, "How did you um…know to visit and why did you give me that DVD?"

"Well…" She straightened up and ran her fingers up and down over the sweater covering my arm, and I'm just hoping she doesn't feel the bandage. "Your friends said they were trying to get in touch with you but you didn't answer your phone, so they called me and I told them you didn't show up. I didn't know where you were and I was really worried but they told me they were going to find you, something about Logan tracking your phone I think? I don't know, too smart for me." She giggled and shook her head, "I have trouble turning on my iPod, but anyway I just waited for someone to contact me but I guess they kind of forgot, so I went over to try and make sure you were okay. Of _course _I saw you trying to peek!" She smiled and tapped my forehead making me blush and look down. "So I felt better, and the DVD's are because they're really funny, they always helped me when I was sad or feeling down so I assumed they could help you too!"

"They did, oh man they were so funny I loved them we were crying in laughter!" I grinned and she just smiled at me and nodded along. "Are you sad often Colette?"

"Nope, not anymore." She shook her head a lot, "I've made things better for myself and I know you will too." She told me while lightly poking my chest.

…AWWW NOW I WANT TO KNOW WHY SHE WAS SAD!

"Carlos? You alright?" She chuckled and got me out of my daze and I just realized I started shifting around anxiously because I want to know her secret.

"Yeah totally fine just um…I drank a lot of energy drinks!"


	9. Chapter 9

**(Mrs. ShayMaslow: Of course that sounds like a good plan lol and yay for Carlos!**

**Kachilee07: Thank goodness Carlos let out everything that was bothering him though, he truly needed that! Hopefully he can stop with the cutting, he might have a razor hidden somewhere. BUT AW YES COLETTE AND CARLOS SITITNG IN A TREE F-U-C-K-I-N-G…someday**

**ValentineZombie: It's exactly what he needs from his brothers and it's good that they all accepted him and didn't scream at him and call him stupid for doing that to himself, and hopefully him and Colette can be an awesome pair together, they're both a little broken but they can fix each other**

**AddictedToMusic18: Me too it was just what he needed, yay for Los!**

**Emy. Elle: Aww thank you but Sweetie this IS my comfort zone. For years I wrote disturbing stories or dark poems, silly stuff has been out of my comfort zone, that's where I have to put in all the effort. This sort of thing comes naturally to me, they say write what you know and this is exactly what I know**

**Tokala: DELICIOUS KISSES FOR CARLOS! That boy was getting a bit too excited**

**Thesandbar: Don't cry! Carlos is slowly on the road to getting better with the help of his brothers!)**

* * *

"Hey what are you doing tonight?" Tim asked as Colette pranced into the kitchen to grab a quick snack before heading out.

"Well I'm going to hang out with the guys, you know the ones that you met?" She asked and Tim nodded as he continued to make himself a heaping bowl of ice cream. "Yeah well we're all going out, I think we'll just hang around the Palm Woods or something, I'll let you know when I find out."

"Okay sounds good to me." He nodded and watched quietly as his sister made the two gummy bears fight each other before popping them both in her mouth. "So you know how I hate to tell you shit that's going to disappoint you right?"

"Yeah I do…what is it?" She frowned and scratched her head nervously as she waited for him to speak.

"Mom wants to come down and visit." Tim made a disgusted face that Colette quickly mimicked, "She said she'll be here in three days, and she's staying for the _week_."

"Why does she have to visit? She calls every day isn't that enough? Ugh…" Colette groaned and banged her head on the kitchen counter.

"Hey no more of that what did I say?" Tim scolded her, and Colette quickly straightened herself up. "Anyway you're lucky, you can pretend you're stuck at work filming a scene late at night, I have _normal_ hours." He scoffed and Colette chuckled.

"I don't see what's so normal about a game developer you know. You're weird as hell and sometimes you stay late too."

"Hey I have things to do!" Tim defended and Colette snickered.

"Right, like go to the diner and check out Marie." She laughed and patted her brother's shoulder. "I'll try my best to stay sane while she's here, but no promises."

"Likewise Cole…" Tim sighed and hugged his sister with one arm, "I guess we'll just have to use some video game therapy as soon as the woman is gone. Anyway sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but have fun tonight alright? No drugs or alcohol or crazy orgies."

"Yeees Tim—"Colette rolled her eyes with a smile.

"But you know if you happen to get some of the really good drugs like the super expensive stuff just make sure you bring back some for me and you and I can get high and play games, sounds good?" Tim laughed at his joke and Colette laughed just as hard.

"I'll make sure I get the good stuff, love you!" She smiled and kissed him on the cheek as she walked to the front door, "Ask out Marie I'm sure she'll love it!"

* * *

I heard a chorus of giggles beside me and I looked over to see Lucy and Camille giggling, along with James' _new_ date, Andy. I frowned at them and the girls just pouted and said 'aw', all of them all reaching over and pinching my cheeks. "Ah! Guys help me, why are they doing this?" I whined and flailed my hands in front of my face to get them to stop.

"Because you're so fucking cute I could put you in my pocket!" Lucy cooed and pinched my cheek hard.

"Why am I cute?!" I whined and rubbed my cheek.

"Because you're bouncing around like an impatient little kid!" Camille chuckled and hooked her arm with Logan's. Pft I'm not bouncing around—

"Carlos if you keep bouncing on the seat I'm going to fly off the sofa." James said bluntly, and I finally realized I was jumping up and down, nervously waiting for Colette to arrive. She's going to meet the girls and hang out with all of us and I just really want things to go well.

"I'm sorry!" I apologized quickly, "I just can't wait for her to show up!" I started to chew on my lip nervously, she was two minutes late, I don't think she's coming. Maybe she decided she didn't want to hang out with me after all and was mad at me for not visiting her yesterday and figured that it was best to just forget about me.

"Hey Romeo are you blind? She just walked in." Kendall laughed and shoved my shoulder, and I stopped hating myself and saw Colette push through the double doors while smoothing down her hair. Before the doors even fully closed behind her I was picking her up and spinning her around in my hug, hearing the girls aww and coo and giggle behind me. In fact, I think Lucy even smacked Kendall's arm and asked him why he didn't do that for her.

"Wow, hi to you too Carlos!" Colette smiled at me, but something seemed off! I don't know…her smile doesn't look…_as big_ I guess? I don't know, there's something off about it…but maybe I'm just over-reacting. "Did I keep you waiting long?"

"No! Hi Colette!" I grinned and kissed her.

"Yes! He's been dying for you to walk in!" Logan yelled, and I turned around and gave him a death glare to which he just grinned at me and shrugged. I took her hand and dragged her back to the lobby where everyone was sitting around and waiting to go, "Hey Colette this is my girlfriend Camille."

"And this is my girlfriend Lucy." Kendall grinned and pecked Lucy on the cheek.

"And this is my girlfriend—"

"Easy lover boy!" Andy corrected quickly, "I'm his _date_, Andy, and I need at least two or three more before you _ask_ me to be your girlfriend." She smirked at James who was shocked that she didn't let him call her his girlfriend. We like Andy, James met her a week or two ago and just asked her out tonight. We like her because she doesn't let him take advantage of anything and calls him out when he's being ridiculous. Kendall said it's good for him, I think it's just funny watching his jaw drop and him squeak because he doesn't know what to say.

"Hey! It's great to meet you guys," Colette grinned and shook all of their hands, "So what are we doing tonight?"

"Actually there's a carnival down by the pier and we were thinking that would be fun." Kendall said, and Colette clapped her hands together.

"Awesome! I can go for some funnel cake," then she looked at me, "Can we get strawberries on it this time? And ice cream?"

"Yeah of course!" I smiled and she happily grabbed my hand and dragged me to the car.

"Oh she is _so_ made for him." I could hear Lucy tell the guys, "She heard carnival and jumped to funnel cake? Yeah that's definitely a Carlos type of girl."

* * *

"That was such a bad idea." Andy groaned as we all climbed off of the ride. We had gone on that thing where they strap you in and start spinning really fast.

TOTALLY A BAD IDEA EVERYTHING IS SPINNING SO FAST!

"Are you okay Andy?" James asked, but oddly enough I felt someone's hands on my shoulders.

"Oh I'm great, especially since you're trying to feel up Carlos." Andy remarked, I smacked myself across the face to clear my vision and I turned to see James staring at me mortified. He instantly let go of me and the two of us jumped away from each other, everyone was laughing hysterically at the two of us….but I don't feel bad actually!

"Hey where's Colette?" I frowned and turned around looking for her, I found her a few feet away talking on the phone with a frown on her face, watching as Camille tripped over Lucy and the two started falling, only to get caught by Kendall, but when Logan went to help he tripped, so now all four were lying on the ground. I walked over to Colette just as she was hanging up her phone, "Hey what's up?"

"What? Oh nothing," Immediately she smiled, but it wasn't like her usual smile. It was kind of like before, it was forced, and it wasn't as pretty as her usual happy smile. "Just had to take a phone call."

"Your smile doesn't look as pretty now though." I frowned, and Colette just nodded a bit and draped her arm around my shoulders.

"I know it doesn't, but I promise it's nothing bad." She kissed me on the cheek, "I'm just a little stressed out but I promise everything is fine, okay?" She cupped my face staring at me, and of course I nodded at her. Colette knows everything! She's smart that way. Okay maybe not smart with electronics or stuff but she's smart about…feelings and stuff, so if she said it's okay, then it's going to be okay!

"Let's do something then!" I said quickly and held her hand as I dragged her over to the guys, "We have to do something fun!"

"Jump off the end of the boardwalk into the water!" Lucy threw her hands up in the air.

"He said fun not deadly." Andy laughed.

"Hey it could be plenty of fun…..maybe…not." Camille shook her head.

"Well…it _is_ a crazy idea." Kendall said, but he was completely grinning and he looked at me. We looked at James who had an eager smile on his face, and finally we glanced over at Logan.

"No way dude!"

"Don't be such a bitch!" James laughed and grabbed one arm while Kendall grabbed the other, and we were all running to the boardwalk to get to the pier. The guys and I all stripped down to our underwear and jumped off of the pier, well we had to pull Logan off with us. We looked around thinking the girls were with us but they were standing at the top, holding our clothes and laughing. Colette pulled my sweater on and started to dance around in a circle.

"I have a new dress!" She yelled, flailing the sleeves in the wind.

"Okay we're coming out, just stay there alright?" Kendall yelled out, but Lucy got a devious grin on her face.

"No I think we're late…to go home!" Lucy laughed and started running off the pier with Andy and Camille behind her.

"AW SHIT NO!" The guys yelled and swam as fast as they could out of the water to chase after them, I looked up and saw Colette sitting there, her legs swinging back and forth over the side.

"You won't leave?" I called out and she shook her head.

"Nope, I can't make you pout and frown by stealing your clothes, it pains me too much!" She said dramatically while clutching her heart.

Wow, she's awesome! I just hope she stays awesome…I don't know, I don't want her to get sad or for anything to make her sad…


	10. Chapter 10

**(ValentineZombie: Yeah momma drama is not a fun thing, but yeah they are adorable! They're just what the other needs and hopefully it'll stay that way.**

**DeniseDEMD: YAY! Happy Carlos is an adorable Carlos so yes, things need to stay happy!**

**Am4muzik: It does add to his charm doesn't it? But yeah it's sweet, he can tell when she's not happy and Colette knows the same about him because they're both going through tough times and know what it's like**

**Mrs. ShayMaslow: I would do the sweater dress thing and run for as long as possible to see any of them running in wet boxers lmfao**

**Kachilee07: Colette is my spirit animal, lmfao I adore her. They're SO sweet and happy to each other it gives me diabetes, and yeah Andy has to be kick ass and spunky. Today Rookie Blue is on and my home girl's name is Andy McNally, so I figured I'll use her name for James' date**

**Emy. Elle: Eh, things happen, but thanks home girl, I love you too. But yes Colette is a darling little thing for Carlos! Sweetness all around!**

**Thesandbar: Family drama indeed, and now the boys have no clothes. It's okay at least Carlos will have some clothes on because Colette stayed lol.)**

* * *

I don't think Colette likes me anymore.

After our carnival date we had three days where we were near inseparable! It felt so amazing. Two of those days were the weekend so she was free to spend _a lot_ of time with me! We didn't go to the beach during the day time because I didn't want her to see the cuts that were further up on my arm. It was different at night it was so dark she couldn't see them but in broad daylight it was obvious! Instead we went to the movies, and then she came up to the apartment and met Kate and Mama Knight, they loved her! Actually Katie was suspicious that she was sent from Gustavo just to break my heart or something, so Katie watched her like a hawk, and then attached her to a lie detector so she could ask questions like if she knew Hawk, Gustavo, or Moon…she didn't know any!

SO SHE ACTUALLY LIKES ME!

Anyways, on her second day off we all went bowling together and that was fun too! Okay so Colette is really bad at bowling like….really bad! She makes James and I look like professionals that's how bad she is, but that's okay because she didn't complain about it. Well…okay so she might have spun in a circle and thrown herself on the floor after her fourth gutter ball, but afterwards she had ice cream and everything was good! Anyway she told me that she was going to be busy and couldn't see me as much this week and that was okay because we would be texting!

But I haven't seen her at all and it's been four days and I can't take it! I'm not obsessed I just…I really like her and I like spending time with her and even texting isn't as much lately. I feel like maybe she sees me as too clingy or too energetic for her. Like…it was fun at first but now it's too much.

I sighed and sat on the bed in my room. I texted her two hours ago but she hasn't replied. She probably is filming a scene, but I don't know she just _sounds_ different when she texts. Like less energy and like she doesn't even want to talk to me and it hurts.

My blade may be long gone in the trash but I still have razors for when I have to shave….

I quickly left my room and went over to the bathroom. I grabbed what I needed and started to walk back to my room, but I heard the door open and I could hear James and Kendall walking into the apartment, so I ran to my room and shut the door as quietly as I could. I sat on my bed, ripping off the handle of the razor and got started on taking off the safety edges. I was trying to rip it apart so quickly that I was nicking my fingertips and I still wasn't making any progress. The door opened and I jumped up hiding the head of the razor behind my back, staring at James with wide eyes.

"Hey what are you doing…?" James asked suspiciously as he stepped further into the room.

"Nothing! I just um….day dreaming!"

"Yeah? About what?" He raised an eyebrow at me and started walking closer. I noticed his eyes dart over to the floor and I could see the handle of the razor.

FUCK I'M SO STUPID!

"You know…about stuff and things and corndogs!" I nodded with a smile but James wasn't buying it.

"Open your hands, Carlos."

"No I don't have to." I frowned and kept my hands behind my back, "You're not the boss of me you know."

"Carlos, I will tackle you. Open your hands." James growled and I shook my head, stepping further back, "What are you doing in here?!"

"Nothing James leave me alone!" I yelled at him, and James just tackled me to the ground. "James get off of me!"

"SHOW ME WHAT'S IN YOUR HAND!" He yelled and flipped me onto my stomach, trying to pry my hands open but I kept a tight grip on the blade. "Carlos stop I see blood!"

"NO JAMES! Just leave me alone!" I screamed at him and soon enough Kendall was running into the room. It didn't take long for him to realize what was going on, and he joined James in prying my hands apart. With the two of them pulling at my fingers it didn't take long for my hands to be stretched open and James pulling the blade that was embedded in my skin.

"Carlos….why?" Kendall sighed and reached over to the tissue box to start wiping the blood from my hand while James took the blade and went to throw it out I guess.

"I…Colette...and…" I didn't know how to explain what I was feeling. What do I say, I miss her and I think I pushed her away by just being myself? No way they'll think I'm a little bitch crying about everything!

"You should talk to her instead of doing this Carlos." Kendall said quietly as he held the tissues against my palm. "You were doing so well! You had gone almost a week without cutting."

"I know I'm a failure okay!" I yelled and yanked my hand away from Kendall.

"Hey you're not a failure!" James said…actually I think he yelled it as soon as he got back in the room. "You're just….having a rough start but you're not a failure and I don't want to hear my brother call himself a failure!" James pointed at me and all I did was nod a little bit. "If it's something with Colette then you _need_ to go talk to her and see her Carlos. We want you to be okay and if that means you have to actually talk about it then do it!"

"But what if I'm bothering her?!" I yelled and shook my head, "She'll think I'm annoying, like some stupid five year old—"

"Well you're not a stupid five year old." Kendall held my shoulders and made me look at him. "You're our very awesome best friend who deserves to be happy. Now get up."

"Why? Where are we going?" I sighed as James pulled me to my feet.

"We're taking you to Colette's house so you can talk to her." Kendall said as they dragged me out of the apartment.

* * *

I sighed and knocked on the door before turning and looking at the guys. They parked across the street and waved at me, showing that they were going to wait for me while I…I guess did what I had to do. The door opened and Colette stood there and I almost didn't recognize her! I'm so used to seeing her with her hair down but it was pulled back in a high, really tight ponytail and she was wearing a button down and a skirt and it was…weird.

"Carlos!" She whispered with wide eyes, "What are you doing here?"

Ow…her whispering feels like she's ashamed to know me!

"I...I need to talk to you about some stuff and—"

"Who's at the door?" A female voice said followed by some footsteps. A second later a woman just a bit shorter than her stood next to her with really short, dark brown hair, wearing a button down and jeans, but looking…glamorous I guess? "Who are you?"

"Mom….this is my boyfriend Carlos." Colette nodded slowly and her mom's face scrunched up as she looked me up and down.

"OH! You're the boy from that band you made me buy tickets to when you still lived with me!" She exclaimed. Wow so Colette's bought our concert tickets before? SWEET!—Wait I'm supposed to be sad!

"Yeah that's me…nice to meet you." I said quietly, sticking my good hand out to her to shake.

"Well Colette invite him inside don't you have any manners?" She sighed and rolled her eyes as he walked away from the door. Colette looked at me and she looked _so sad_.

"I tried to save you." She uttered as she pulled me in and shut the door. "If you need therapy after seeing her don't blame me." She warned as we walked further into the house. I could see Tim making a cup of coffee, and when I walked in he gave me a sympathetic look too and shook his head. Just how bad is she?

"Carlos sit down. Do you want something to drink? Colette why don't you pour him something? She made chocolate chip cookies, have some! Tim is my coffee ready—Oh thank you!" She nodded at her son and took a sip of coffee. "Ah, too much sugar. Anyway I'm Susan." She told me and sat right across from me. I nervously glanced behind her and saw Tim make a motion of shooting himself in the temple and brains shooting out, while Colette smiled at him as she poured me a glass of milk to go with the cookies.

"H-hi Susan!"

"Hi, now for how long have you been dating my daughter? And just how far have you two gone? She hasn't told me about any boyfriend you know." She crossed her arms over her chest

"Mom! Can you not?" She muttered and Susan just shook her head at her.

"I uh….well we haven't been dating long, just a few weeks. Ummm, we've just been kissing a little bit. I like your daughter a lot…"

"Good you better like my daughter or else we would have a problem." She smiled and pinched my cheek before grabbing a cookie off of the plate and biting into it. "Oh Colette these are good, you should have made them smaller though they would have been even better!"

"Sure mom." Colette muttered, but when I looked at her she was _glaring_ at her mom and Tim had to put a hand on her shoulder and whisper something in her ear.

"We weren't expecting company Carlos, so sorry if the house looks messy. Looks like my kids aren't as clean when they're not living with mom to wait on them hand and foot!" She laughed and Tim just smiled. Okay, I think Tim hates her the most, he hasn't said a single word. Colette just chuckled and said 'wow' before washing her hands in the sink.

"Well I can go I mean I don't want to be intruding on family time."

"Oh no stay! I want to get to know the boy my daughter is dating, I have to actually." She commented.

Oh boy, I feel uncomfortable. I want to leave.

She doesn't seem…_that_ bad though! I mean, she doesn't seem like some _completely _crazy woman so far. So why do they look like they want to jump out the window? I don't know...I guess I'll have to wait to talk to Colette.


	11. Chapter 11

**(**_**Hey guys! I know what you're thinking , 'Amanda you dumb bitch why have you taken so long to update you four eyed superhero geek and why are you not responding to my reviews in this location'?**_

_**I HAVE A GREAT ANSWER.**_

_**See, Amanda is a very technological person. She also has very unhealthy anger issues and when technology does not work, Amanda gets angry and likes to speak in third person. Now her very beloved laptop which holds ALL of her stories she's ever written (and is also complete shit for gaming by the way, don't buy Dell), decided that the wifi card built inside needed to die, and she only discovered that after spending several hours going through numerous…techniques to fix said internet.**_

_**So, Amanda is going to try and update from her shitty catastrophic desktop computer from who knows when, and she will also sit in the corner and cry and beg for a Mac because she has thrown a fit and will no longer ever support Dell, ever.**_

_**ALSO, if a laptop's fake chrome finish starts to peel and cut you a few months after buying it. THAT IS A WARNING SIGN THAT IT IS A LAPTOP FROM HELL AND SHOULD DIE!**_

_**Thank you for your cooperation, I will do my sincerest best to update as per usual, though not likely because my…well my writing is in that laptop.**_

_**AW SHIT MY PORN—I MEAN RECIPES—I MEAN….FAHK.**_**)**

* * *

"Well I haven't cooked dinner for my children in so long!" Susan clapped her hands together as she stood up from her seat on the sofa.

"Didn't even cook when we were living with her." Tim whispered to me and I had to try not to laugh.

"So I will go and see what's there to make, hopefully you guys bought something healthy." She smiled and made her way into the kitchen. As soon as she was gone Colette _ran_ over to me and sat on the armrest of my chair.

"You need to say you can't stay for dinner and go home!" She whispered quickly with wide eyes.

"Seriously, we're doing you a huge favor here, run as fast as you can and don't look back." Tim also whispered.

"Oh Carlos, will you be staying for dinner?" Her mom yelled from the kitchen.

"Yeah sure!" I yelled back, AW SHIT!

"Carlos!" Colette groaned and shook her head while I slapped my forehead.

"Sorry it just slipped!" I said quickly and frowned. This would have been a good opportunity to run away but I blew it. So far her mom as decided to tell stories of how she thought Colette was a lesbian because she always had girlfriends over at the house but never introduced her to a boy. Then she was saying how sad she was when Tim moved so far away, but Tim was just smiling. Then when Colette left she said she was heartbroken and Colette kept a straight face.

"Well, we apologize for what you're about to endure." Tim whispered quietly.

"If I were you I would drink lots of soda to try and hide the flavor." Colette nodded in agreement.

"She can't be that bad of a cook can she? I mean, you guys cook well!" I answered and they both just frowned and shook their heads.

When it was dinner time we went to the table and the kitchen smelled…weird. Well, we had broccoli which was so soft and mushy that when I stabbed it with a fork water squirted out. The chicken was fried until it was dry like sandpaper, and it was cooked in bbq sauce and it tasted disgusting! There was potato salad that was actually extremely tasty. She also made Spanish rice, my favorite, but she didn't…grind everything up into a paste like she's supposed to. So…we got lots of um, plants and stuff stuck in our mouths and I had to pull them out. It was weird pulling out a strand of culantro the size of my thumb.

But of course when she asked how it was I told her it was amazing and the best food I ever had.

"Thank you Carlos! I'll teach Colette, maybe some day she'll cook like me." She smiled and patted Colette's hand, which began to twitch and shake and even turn red.

Oh boy…

Tim took our plates and brought them to the kitchen, and that's when Colette stared at me with wide eyes and slowly started to nod.

"Um thanks for dinner Mrs. Merlot but um I really have to go now so—"

"Oh well it was nice to meet you! Take care Carlos, oh and _please_ take those chocolate chip cookies home with you. We don't need that in this household right?" She chuckled and patted Colette's tummy, "Someone's been making them a lot lately huh?"

"Ha ha mom..." Colette mumbled and packed the cookies up for me in a container. "I'll walk him outside." She said before quickly rushing me right out the front door. "God, I'm so sorry you had to meet her."

"It's okay…" I nodded slowly, now I think I know why we haven't been speaking much, "She leaves soon though right?" I asked and Colette nodded and breathed a sigh of relief, "Well…then um, just watch some Whose Line Is It Anyway, it makes me feel better." I smiled at her. Colette grinned and cupped my face giving me a long, very awesome kiss.

"You're too sweet Carlos; I promise I'll see you more when she leaves." She sighed and kissed me, then grabbed my hand and kissed my palm where I had the cuts. Wow, nothing goes unnoticed by her!

"Well…feel better okay?" I smiled at her and kissed her cheek, then ran over to the car where Kendall was playing on his phone and James was asleep in the front seat.

"Dude what the HELL took you so long? Did you talk to her?" Kendall sighed and started up the car.

"Are those cookies?" James questioned as he rubbed his eyes and sat up straight.

"Yes they are and they're all for me! UM I didn't get to talk to her…about it yet. Her uh, her mom was there…so I think I know why we haven't really been talking…" I told them quietly and nodded a bit, "But it's going to be okay."

* * *

When we got home that day we all sat around and ate the entire container of cookies. Colette gave me most of them because her mom was watching her, but I'm not complaining because they taste _delicious_. I love chocolate chip cookies! The next few days we just went to work and Gustavo wasn't yelling nearly as much. I guess either our voices got better or our little prank worked….oh well I know that won't last forever.

Anyway, we all went home and decided to order pizzas for dinner! I love Mama Knight and Katie but I like it when they leave and do girl stuff because that means the guys can just relax and do stupid stuff without getting interrupted! Well there was a knock at the door and I got so excited.

"PIZZA'S HERE!" I shouted and jumped over the sofa, then ran to the door and yanked it wide open. "Aw you're not pizza." I pouted seeing Colette standing there in sweatpants and a tank top. She just chuckled and rolled her eyes at me, and then I realized Colette was there! "WAIT YOU'RE HERE!" I yelled and hugged her tightly.

"Yes I am, good to see you too!" She laughed and I could totally feel her face on my neck and her taking in a deep breath. Hehehe, I smell good, I put on cologne today! I didn't even put her back down on the ground; I just kicked the door shut and dragged her inside the apartment. "Wow someone's strong."

"Me!" I grinned and hugged her again, "so your mom is gone?"

"Yes she is! Sorry about that crappy dinner…and her awkward stories…and…making you feel ignored." She said quietly, and she had the cutest little pout on her face!

"It's okay I kind of understand." I nodded quickly," but yeah her food was bad, and I eat _anything_." I grinned and grabbed her hand pulling her over to the sofa," Guys Colette is here!"

"Yeah we can tell Los." Logan laughed and I reached over and smacked him on the side of the head. I dragged Colette onto the sofa and we sat on the end, sprawling out and taking up all of the space that was left. When there was a knock at the door I didn't want to go get up, even though I knew it was pizza. All I had to do was pout at James and he couldn't resist! So he got up and got the pizzas for us. Boy was that good pizza! We were all distracted though, because Colette took her slice, dabbed off all of the grease, which is the best part, and then covered it in onion powder.

And I took it when she went to the bathroom and it was good.

"So Colette how is everything?" Kendall asked while she pulled her sleeves to cover her hands and cuddled up next to me, LIKE A PUPPY! So cute…

"Pretty good, my mom finally went home yesterday, spent the day with my brother, now he's out on a date and I'm hanging out with you guys!" She smiled at them, and when I looked at her I could tell she looked super tired and stressed.

"Yeah we heard your mom was a bitch—OW!" James yelped and rubbed the back of his head where Kendall had so kindly decided to smack him, "Not the hair man!"

"That's…a word to describe some of it." She nodded a bit and rested her head on her should. Okay, so she definitely has mommy problems, definitely.

"How is she a bitch? Moms are supposed to be great! They do laundry and cook, and shop for your clothes because that is awful…" Logan muttered the last part and his eye twitched. OH yeah, when we went clothing shopping Mama Knight said we all looked ridiculous, took the clothes back and got us new ones. We weren't _that_ ridiculous, so our clothes were the wrong size and nothing matched or looked good….we still did it on our own!

"Ah it's…a complicated and long story." Colette shook her head and brushed it off pretty quickly. Huh, maybe there's more than what I saw at her house! Whatever it is though…I want to know about it really badly.

"So why do you live—"James mouth was covered by Kendall.

"Hey how about we play some games! Want to play with us? Watch? Movie? Something?" He asked herm and Colette just smiled back at him.

"I'd love to watch you guys play a video game." She nodded.

"OH I AM SO GETTING SUPER SMASH AND KICKING ALL OF YOUR ASSES!" I shouted and jumped off of the sofa, knocking Colette over and making half of her body hit the ground. "oh my god I'm so sorry!"


	12. Chapter 12

**(Kachilee07: LOL Sorry it's not your crack update like you wanted! Yeah Carlos can't help it when there's food he automatically says yes, Yeah I can't believe the boys waited, what good friends they are! Oh man Carlos knocking her over is SO ADORABLE and definitely so Carlos.**

**AddictedToMusic18: He is absolutely adorable…and yeah her mom sucks**

**Mrs. ShayMaslow: Yeah her mom's food um, is not that delightful**

**Am4muzik: My laptop ABSOLUTELY DOES SUCK OH MAN! Oh man I love her and Colette together; they are two adorable little fuckers**

**Tokala: With that disappointed little pout! That cute little shit**

**Emy. Elle: Yeah her mom is special. No Colette doesn't purge, food is too good to let that go**

**Thesandbar: I don't know why Carlos is so adorable…but I'm okay with it!**

**ValentineZombie: That's true he could have shit his pants during that dinner so things went relatively well! Yeah Carlos is a nosy guy he needs to know the details; I would want to know too!**

**DeniseDEMD: Ugh I want a Mac so bad. I JUST made a year with this laptop! It's a GAMING laptop and it can't even handle gaming! Absolutely ridiculous but thankfully I replaced my wireless card and now I have internet on it! But man I am SO READY to go to Mac.)**

* * *

I think I've been doing well for myself! I haven't picked up a blade or torn apart a razor in two whole weeks! Colette says I've been just amazing lately, that the sparkles in my eyes have yet to fade, which is a good thing! At first I thought I had glitter in my eyes and was freaking out but she told me she didn't mean that literally, so that was a lifesaver. I might have relapsed and taken one of Mama Knight's sewing needles and picked my finger, but I felt dumb for doing it after. It was really little too; it was only because Bitters accused me of smashing his computer…again.

So I may have done that, but to be fair it was in the way of my epic action hero dive, so it's not all my fault.

But…I did feel pretty lousy about myself after that. I felt crappy and started to prick my finger with the needle but it didn't feel like it was working. Before I could find something else that would work even better James invited me to go play some hockey at the ice rink, so that really took my mind off of things.

But Colette doesn't seem the same. Ever since her mom visited, it's weird! Like…it feels as though something is always bothering her but she won't say it and I wish she'd tell me. So maybe I haven't shown her my scars but still…I WANT TO KNOW I'M NOSY!

Well, since Colette doesn't seem to be too happy, I decided I would surprise her! I texted her brother and he said she wasn't doing anything for the day, just staying home and relaxing.

THAT'S PERFECT, I LOVE TO RELAX!

So, I went to the bakery and got some chocolate chip cookies. I also brought the DVDs she had given me, oh and before I left the house I put on a lot of cologne because I know she likes the way it smells. I took the car and drove to her house, but when I knocked on the door no one answered! So…I went around the side and tried to peek in through the windows but no one was home.

It's not creepy nor is it stalking it's just…trying to do stuff.

Well anyway I was looking through the windows and I could hear noise coming from above me, so I looked up and realized Colette's window was open!

SO SHE IS HOME!

MAYBE SHE JUST CAN'T HEAR ME!

Pft, easy fix. She's not ignoring me, she'd never ignore me she said she liked me too much. Anyway, I slung the backpack over my shoulders so I could have my hands free, because I decided to climb up the tree to get to her window. It took a while, and I almost fell but I reached the top with all of my limbs intact. As I got closer to her window I could see inside because her window was open. Well it is kind of warm outside, but not hot enough for air conditioning…

Anyway, I kind of stuck my head in and I could see her curled up on the floor covering her face, and it sounded like she was crying! So of course I climbed in through the window and set the bag on the floor before walking over and kneeling beside her. "Colette what's wrong?"

"Oh my god!" She jumped away from me and glanced at me, she looked horrified. I don't know why though, I'm not scary, unless I'm mad because Logan stole my helmet or something. "Carlos, what are you doing here?" She asked as she quickly rubbed her eyes with the back of her hands and scooted a bit away so her back was against her bed.

"I heard you weren't doing anything from your brother so I came to surprise you! I got cookies and DVDs." I smiled at her and reached back to grab my bag and pulled the stuff out. She has a really pretty room. There's like a white border separating the two paint colors, bright orange on the bottom and grey on the top. I like it—that's a big bed. Oh my god you could jump on that bed and do flips and everything.

"Aw Carlos that's so sweet…you could have used the front door though." She chuckled and tugged at her sleeves to cover her hands.

"I did! But no one answered so I came in through the window." I set the stuff I brought beside me and stared at her. "Why are you sad Colette?"

"I'm not sad I just have a headache." She told me but I could tell that she was lying to me and I don't like being lied to!

"I don't like being lied to Colette and I know you're not telling me the truth. Why won't you tell me anything?" I frowned and reached over to hold her hands; I pushed her sleeves back and saw her knuckles were bright red, a few scrapes on the middle ones. "Why did you do that? I've never seen you actually hurt yourself."

"Because I was doing well." She sighed and shook her head staring down at the floor like she was embarrassed. "I was upset and angry and I just…punched a wall. Ugh that was so stupid my brother's going to be so mad!" She shook her head and looked like she was going to cry again, so I kissed her knuckles and pulled her in for a hug.

"He won't be mad at you he'll want to help you! No one gets mad at me for the things I did…..they just get sad because they want to help but don't know how to, and they don't want to see us hurt ourselves." Colette sniffled and wrapped her arms around her waist as she hid her face in my shoulder. "I don't want to see you sad Colette. So you can tell me things! You helped me now I want to help you." I squeezed her tightly and I could feel her tighten her grip around her waist.

"It's just my mom." She sighed and pulled away a bit. "She likes to make jabs at my weight. She always has for as long as I could remember. Ever since she visited she's just been right back at it. When she was here she would just eat whatever was on my plate or say I didn't need that and give it away, like when you came over….Now she just texts me all the time asking what I ate for every meal and it's so annoying." She shook her head and pulled away from me to cover her face. "I know it's dumb and I shouldn't let it bother me it's just….it's one of the things she's done that's always bothered me."

One of the things? Aw no that means there's more! It's okay….it's progress! I never told her why I used to cut so I think it's fair she's not telling me everything, but I feel awful!

"Colette you're so pretty! You're not fat I don't know why she takes food off your plate. That would not be okay with me if someone touches my plate I stab them with a fork." I told her honestly, and I was so happy to hear her giggle. "I think you're beautiful and your mom is jealous because she's old and not nice or pretty as you." I kissed her forehead and wiped under her eyes because she kind of had a raccoon thing going on.

"Thanks Carlos." She smiled a bit and stared at me, "You're….so sweet you know that right? You're like a big ol' gummy bear."

"I'm not old!" I gasped with wide eyes and she just laughed at me. "No really I'm not old…"

"I know you're not old, but you are very sweet. Like…you have this candy shell about you." Colette grabbed my face and kissed me on the lips. It lasted a long time, and it was really sweet and awesome.

"I guess that means that I taste good, I'm happy with that!" I smiled and hugged her, "So can we eat some cookies and watch some Whose Line Is It Anyway? I think that'll cheer you up!"

"You know what? I think that will cheer me up too." Colette stood up and helped me stand up too. She ran downstairs, I don't know why, but I turned on her TV and put the DVD into the Xbox 360 so we could watch it. I sat down with the controller to set it up and right as I played the first episode she can in with two tall glasses of milk and napkins. She grinned at me and moved a little table to the end of the bed so we could put the milk and cookies on that. After that she jumped beside me and hugged my arm. "Thank you Carlos."

"Well you helped me a lot, I have to help you!" I then leaned down and kissed her cheek, "So thank you Colette."

* * *

_**Okay so I might be a little stuck because I'm dumb and I'm in 'action' mode from my new story, BUT I WILL FIGURE THIS OUT.**_


	13. Chapter 13

**(Kachilee07: Girl you know you want to fuck Carlos and grope his bubble butt. I know if he did that to me I would have punched him in the nose and apologized a million times after lmao. BUT YEAH SHE NEEDS TO PULL A JOEY WITH HER FOOD**

**Am4muzik: Yeah it's good that they all have each other at least! Carlos and Colette can help each other and be adorable and love and stuff**

**Emy. Elle: Yeah she has anger problems, so she punches things lol. But yeah good for Litos!**

**Thesandbar: HE IS A GUMMY BEAR AND I WOULD HUG HIM AND BITE HIM AND STUFF! UMM no you weren't the only one because I definitely giggled like a moron for five minutes after I wrote that, and then when I re-read it lmao**

**Tokala: Oh man he's so sweet I got diabetes.**

**Mrs. ShayMaslow: Yeaahh her mom isn't all that right but hey at least Carlos showed up to cheer her up**

**DeniseDEMD: Yeah they need each other and are so sweet! I want the iMac…I just…I really desperately want it**

**ValentineZombie: Oh yeah I'm sure Carlos does not mind huggling Colette at all, it'll become his favorite hobby lmao**

**AddictedToMusic18: YES! YAY FOR PROGRESS!)**

* * *

I love sleeping. It's so nice and warm and cuddly and cozy and awesome and great. It's especially awesome when I don't have any bad dreams. Sometimes I have bad dreams and well, when I wake up I feel miserable, but not today! I didn't have a single bad dream last night in fact I had a really good dream, Colette was in it. We were in her room and we were jumping in her bed, but not in the fun way.

Okay well it was totally in the fun way, just not the way little kids should be doing! I wish it was real though that would have been so much better! Anyway, in the morning I was lying on my side because I'm pretty sure James is still in bed and I kind of um….well I'm pretty excited from my dream so I'm just waiting for that to go down. I had my eyes shut and I was trying to fall back asleep but I heard party favors going off and I felt confetti falling on me. I opened my eyes and turned my head, surprised to see the guys standing there wearing party hats, and James holding a box in his hand. "Huh? It's not my birthday—IS IT? OH MY GOD DID I MISS MY BIRTHDAY?!" I shouted with wide eyes making them laugh.

"No Carlos you didn't miss your birthday," Logan laughed, "we are just celebrating today!"

"Today makes one month since you've cut yourself." Kendall grinned and nudged James in the ribs.

"So we are celebrating! And to wake you up of course it has to be done the right way." James opened the box and put it in front of my face, and oh my god….gourmet corndogs! "So come on buddy get up!"

"Ah…can I just have breakfast in bed?" I asked and they all stared at me suspiciously.

"Why?" Kendall asked and I shifted uncomfortably on my side.

"Umm…Well…I kind of…uh…" Before I could even figure out what to say James was grinning and set the box down on the nightstand.

"Oh I know what it is. Carlos was in the middle of a sex dream, he only lies on his side when that happens. Alright let's go let him jack off, don't get anything on my bed!" James grabbed Kendall and Logan and shoved them out of the room before slamming the door behind them. Wow that's embarrassing, I guess that's what happens when you share the room with someone…Then again when James has a wet dream he lies on his side and faces the wall and tries to wake me up and get me to leave the room. Hahaha….I laugh at him about that. I just have to remember not to tell Andy that, she'll tease him for that too.

* * *

After my awesome breakfast of corndogs and my alone time trying to remember my dream while I….did stuff, I got ready for the day! I went downstairs to meet the guys in the lobby and they all grinned while staring at me. Hmmm…I wonder what they have planned.

"Go back and put on your swim trunks Carlos!" Kendall smiled at me, "we're going to a water park!"

OH MY GOD!

"YES!" I yelled and pumped my fists in the air like a million times. "YES I CAN'T WAIT I'M GOING ON EVERY RIDE OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU GUYS!" I tackled them all and hugged them tightly. I really have the best friends ever. Hey, so if I don't cut do I get this every month? THAT'S TOTALLY INCENTIVE I WOULD SO DO THAT!

Anyway, I went and changed my shorts to swim trunks, then we all got in the car and Logan drove us while the girls followed behind in their own car. I wish Colette was with them but I guess she's busy doing interviews and stuff for the upcoming season of her show. That's okay; maybe I'll see her tonight!

When we got to the theme park I started running to the seating area so we could claim some chairs for ourselves but the guys grabbed my arm and started dragging me in another direction. "Hey what's wrong with the ones over there?"

"We have some saved already!" James chuckled and continued to drag me. I don't know why they were dragging me this way, there was already a guy and a girl lying on some chairs and talking to some girl that was standing up and waving her hands a lot as she spoke. Hey, Colette does that sometimes! She also has a purple bathing suit just like that, and the same hair—OH HEY THAT'S COLETTE!

"COLETTE!" I yelled and ran over and picked her up in a hug to spin her around. When I set her down I glanced down at the two chairs I saw Tim on one with Marie on the other, hey they really did start dating, awesome! "Hey guys!"

"Hey Carlos." Tim stood up and shook my hand, and then Marie jumped up and gave me a hug. "How are you doing?"

"Awesome, I didn't know you guys were coming this is so cool!" I grinned.

"Aw he's adorable…well yeah Tim here is really pasty so we figured he should get a tan." Marie nodded and I could hear Camille snorting behind me.

"I say that about Logan all the time…" She joked. The girls introduced themselves to Tim and Marie, then we were off to go on some slides while they stayed behind and watched our stuff and got some alone time of their own! First we all went on those really big tubes. James, Colette, Andy and I went on one while Logan, Camille, Lucy, and Kendall went on the other! Colette yelled her head off because the tunnel was pitch black, I'd be scared too but I'm not a total girl. Then when we got out of the tunnel James climbed out of the tube and slipped so he went under water, but he stood up and did a hair flip and Andy's jaw just dropped. I think she probably wants to have his babies.

After that Colette said we had to go on the lazy river, so we all got some tubes and jumped into the river. As we were floating along she grabbed the handle of my tube and made sure we stuck together. "So how are you doing Carlos?" She asked while splashing water at me. OF COURSE I HAD TO SPLASH HER BACK!

"I'm doing great! We're celebrating me not…erm…." I got quiet because I never confessed to cutting myself. She knew I guess but...I never actually said it.

"Hurting yourself I assume?" She asked and pointed to the cuts that were further away from my wrist that I couldn't hide with the watch.

"Yeah, that." I nodded and Colette took my arm and kissed the scars while I kept talking. "So that's pretty awesome, I feel happy you know? And if I get to do this with the guys every month I don't cut then I'll be super happy." I nodded and smiled down at her. "What about you? Are you okay with the whole...evil mommy thing?"

"I'm better." She nodded and intertwined her fingers with mine. "My brother and I did our usual detox thing when she gets on our nerves. She bothers him too, a lot. He just had it a bit worse than me because he's dealt with her longer, obviously." Colette nodded and kissed my hand. "But so far we're both heading on the right track to being okay. He has Marie now; he _finally_ had to ask her out so she makes him feel pretty good and happy. So I'm thinking that after we do the lazy river we go find cheese fries because I saw people with them and I want them." She nodded seriously and craned her neck to point as some kid who was walking away with a carton.

"Oh we are so doing that!" I agreed with her and as soon as we could get off we did and ran around the park looking for the French fries. When they were found, we each had like two boxes to ourselves before deciding to go on more rides. I gave her a piggy back ride and that was fun because I got to feel her boobs on my back. "You know Colette, I'm really happy with you."

"I'm happy with you too Carlos, and I'm so glad you're feeling better and smiling and not hurting yourself." She leaned down and kissed my neck softly. "I'm very proud of you."

"I'm proud too; maybe I don't need to do that after all." I nodded to her as I walked to a really tall slide. "And hopefully you'll never punch walls again." I told her and set her down as we climbed the stairs to get to the top. Things are going really well, but I don't know…in movies when things are going really well for the awesome character something happens and makes everything spiral out of control and a total shit storm happens. I'm just really hoping that my luck doesn't change, because…well I'm happy, and I don't want to feel like I need to hurt myself again.


	14. Chapter 14

**(Kachilee07: Isn't he just the cutest little fucker in all of the world? Dude James in water is one thing, but then he flips his hair and looks all sexy and like he's in a porno, well it just has to happen, he has o be mounted. **

**Am4muzik: YAY I'm glad you think I write the thoughts perfectly makes me feel good! **

**ValentineZombie: Sucks to be woken up when you have a boner but then again…he has corn dogs and he got to spend the day playing in the water with his most favorite girl ever, so Carlos is having a pretty good time!**

**AddictedToMusic18: I hope he stays happy too, he's just so precious!**

**Annabellex2: LOL definitely seems like Carlos needs to get some, yeah**

**Tokala: Damn right he is, that cute little fucker**

**Thesandbar: LMFAO Carlos has a brilliant way of explaining things, when he has kids he's going to have an interesting time explaining to them what sex is. Aw I didn't get the reference, I'm a poop head =( **

**DeniseDEMD: Oh well you know me too well, I'm a devious little shit with ideas wandering around somewhere**

**Star197: They totally are!**

**Emy. Elle: Carlos didn't tell any of James' habits; it was more imagine if he told about James' habits. And wait a minute so everyone can bother Carlos and get their ass kicked but if James does it he can't get hurt? That isn't fair.)**

* * *

TWO MONTHS CLEAN I AM THE BEST GUY IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD! I spent two months WITHOUT cutting myself because I'm awesome and people love me and I've been having a great time! I feel so happy and refreshed and alive… Plus my scars are fading away! I was looking at the ones on my thighs the other day and I felt really dumb for even doing that to myself but I can't change what happened in the past. So because it's been two months since I've cut that means I've been seeing Colette for even longer than that, but I never asked her to be my girlfriend! And well….I have to ask! So I know that since you propose with a ring when you ask someone to be your wife, well I should have something when I ask her to be my girlfriend right? Not a ring or anything…but a necklace!

So I asked Andy, Lucy, and Camille to go with me to find the perfect necklace since they're girls and they like shiny things so obviously they can help me pick out something pretty. At the jewelry store Lucy right away bought herself a charm bracelet that had little guitars and picks on it and Camille was gushing over a pretty gold necklace. THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO HELP ME! That's oaky though, Andy actually was the one that helped me out, and I found the prettiest necklace. It was sterling silver, the bottom of the cupcake was silver and the top was pink-ish, I don't know what the metal was but I loved it and it had little diamonds around it like it was sprinkles.

I LOVE THE NECKLACE!

"Thanks so much Andy! I hope Colette likes it, it's so pretty and shiny and awesome." I smiled and looked in the box to stare at the necklace again. I can't get over how shiny and delicate it looks. The necklace will look even more beautiful when she wears it!

"No problem Carlos," She smiled and draped her arm over my shoulders, "Someone had to help you considering those two were a bit distracted…" She laughed and pointed her thumb at Lucy who was marveling at her bracelet and Camille wondering how she could hint to Logan that she wanted that necklace for her birthday.

When I got to the Palm Woods I knew I wasn't going to able to keep the necklace a secret or even keep it safe because I tend to lose things, so I ran over to the front desk. "Bitters! You're an old person with respect for items and doesn't lose things! Will you hold this for me?" I asked while putting the box on the counter. "It's for someone very special and I want to make sure it's in safe hands."

"Oh _sure_ Carlos I'll hold it for you!" Bitters snatched the box up and put it under the counter. "Now get out of here I'm busy." He snapped and went back to his newspaper. Sheesh someone needs to get laid…

I need to get laid too, but not by Bitters! No, no way do I want to be touched by him! I'd like to…you know…maybe in Colette's room on her big and really soft bed. Lucy asked me if her headboard was a board or just metal bars, when I told her it was a board she snapped her fingers and shook her head and told me it was a shame. But then she realized my bed has metal bars on the back and she got a grin on her face and told me I was really lucky.

I don't know why though…but Kendall got really embarrassed and red and tried to make her shut up, Lucy told me just to buy more belts and stuff. I don't get it.

I'll have to ask James about that later, he knows lots of things about beds and messing around, him and Lucy have conversations about it, always embarrasses Kendall.

When I got back to the apartment I couldn't help how giddy I was. I was so happy I hugged Mama Knight and kissed her on the cheek and then I hugged Katie and spun her around before going to my room and calling Colette.

"Hey! My very handsome man is calling, how are you Carlos?" Man I love hearing her voice!

"I'm awesome Colette! I'm in a really great mood and I can't wait to see you! I have a surprise for you! Can you come over tonight?" I was jumping up on the bed as I spoke to her and I may have tripped.

"Definitely, I'll head on over after my photo shoot—hey are you okay?"

"I might have fallen off the bed. I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU TONIGHT BYE!" I made a bunch of kissy noises into the phone and hung up, and then I stayed lying on the floor with the biggest smile on my face ever.

* * *

When it was getting close to the time Colette was going to be here I ran downstairs to the front desk so I could get my necklace from Bitters. I ran to the desk and rang the bell impatiently. He finally came hobbling out of his office and sighed as he leaned on the table. "What Carlos?"

"I need my necklace back, Colette's coming and I have to give it to her!" I was bouncing up and down while Bitters just stood there looking like an angry bulldog.

"What necklace?"

"The necklace in the blue box that I gave you this afternoon!"

"Oh right….that." Bitters chuckled and started to walk away from the table. "Yeah I don't know where I placed that necklace actually. I put it away after I gave it to you and actually I'm not on office hours right now. So you'll have to come back again tomorrow between the hours of nine and five so I could properly assist you." He grinned and waved at me and opened the door to his office.

"What?! NO YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO ME I NEED IT NOW! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HELP ME!" I yelled at him and he just shrugged at me.

"You should have thought of that before you ran around my hotel breaking things, consider us even Carlos!" He smiled at me and went into his office and locked the door. No, no he can't do that to me I need the necklace I need to give it to Colette! I panicked and jumped over the counter and tore up everything that was behind the desk, but the necklace was nowhere to be found. I ran around the lobby ripping apart anything I could get my hands on but I couldn't find it.

I actually lost my necklace to Bitters…who knows what he did with it!?

I ran upstairs and into my room and locked the door.

I can't believe what I just did.

I can't believe I was so stupid! I TRUSTED HIM AND HE SCREWED ME OVER. ALL I DID WAS TRY TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND I CAN'T EVEN DO THAT WHEN I'M TRYING!

In a fit of anger I ran over to my drawer and pulled out the package of razors. We were running low on shaving razors so James bought a pack of really good ones. I ripped the handle off and tore off the safety edges.

This is all my fault. It's all my fault that I can't do anything right. I can't trust myself and when I trust someone else EVERYTHING goes wrong! I CAN'T DO A GOD DAMN THING RIGHT. I CAN'T EVEN GET A GIRL A NECKLACE WITHOUT SCREWING UP!

ALL THIS….GOOD NOT CUTTING MYSELF STUFF IS PURE BULL SHIT! I KNEW SOMETHING WAS GOING TO GO WRONG I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE IT. NOW COLETTE'S GOING TO HATE ME I'M THE WORST NON-BOYFRIEND GUY EVER!

I'm just so angry and mad at myself. I ripped off my sweater and grabbed the blades. I…I don't deserve to be happy right now, because Colette won't be happy because of what I did with her necklace, I LOST IT! I dug the blades into my skin with such fury I didn't' even realize how many times I cut my wrist, four. Four long, deep cuts and I was panicking. I always do smaller cuts on my wrist but today I was so angry I wasn't…I wasn't paying attention.

My wrist is pouring blood!

"Hey Los you home? I'm thinking we go down to the pool and turn the water black!" I could hear James yell.

"_Don't turn your skin black."_ Logan warned him.

"_He won't turn the water black Logan, he'll end up spilling the dye all over himself"_ Kendall snickered.

The blood would not stop flowing; the cuts were so open like nothing I had never seen before. "Carlos?" James yelled again and I could hear his footsteps coming to the door.

"JAMES! I MESSED UP JAMES!" I yelled and wiped the tears that were pouring out of my eyes, I could hear the door knob twisting and turning but because I locked it he couldn't get in. "I screwed up I really didn't mean to it's too much!" I cried and I heard the door slam open. James ran over and knelt down in front of me followed by Kendall.

"LOGAN GET YOUR FIRST AID KIT! CALL 911!" Kendall screamed while James grabbed his blanket off of the bed and put it on my wrist.

"Why did you do it Carlos!?" He shouted at me and I just shook my head and let it fall to my chest, I feel dizzy. "CARLOS!"

"I'm an idiot and I can't do anything right!" I cried and covered my face with my other hand. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I didn't want this to happen I just wanted a little cut! Just a little cut and…" I sniffled and I could feel someone holding my shoulder.

"Just calm down Los you're going to be okay." I heard James say, but my head was feeling dizzy and I don't know if I can stay awake.


	15. Chapter 15

**(Mrs. ShayMaslow: Bitters needs to get beaten!**

**Am4muzik: It's okay you couldn't find it btw but thanks for letting me know that makes me feel amazing, oh my gosh!**

**ValentineZombie: It was totally sweet of him but I can't believe what Bitters did what a piece of shit he is! **

**Tokala: That little caramel candy is so precious isn't he?**

**DeniseDEMD: I know, he's far too sweet to want to be mean to but clearly Bitters doesn't have a heart!**

**Thesandbar: On one part, YES HE IS THE CUTEST LITTLE FUCKER IN THE WORLD! And of course Lucy has to start slipping some dirty thoughts in his brain! Part two….I know, Bitters really took Carlos down! **

**Kachilee07: The headboard thing is fabulous, now James just need to tell him exactly what to do with that information so when he gets better him and Colette can sex it up! LOL SEE I SAID IT**

**Emy. Elle: Nope, James is definitely not untouchable he's fair game like the rest of the guys. **

**AddictedToMusic18: I know poor Carlos!)**

* * *

I sniffled and looked down at my wrist tightly wrapped in bandages. The ambulance came and got me right away, while we were leaving the guys were all walking behind the ambulance people but when James saw Bitters he jumped over the desk and attacked him. They kept asking why I did it to make me stay awake and I said Bitters took my necklace so… James kind of attacked him. Logan stayed to stop him and Kendall rode with me to the hospital. I fell asleep for like a minute but I woke right back up! Kendall is in my room and Katie and Mama Knight are talking to the doctor. I've seen this on TV he's going to keep me overnight and then say I'm crazy and need help! I DON'T WANT TO GET PUT IN A WHITE ROOM WITH A STRAIGHT JACKET! OR HE'S GOING TO PROBE ME AND PUT THINGS UP MY BUTT!

"Kendall I wasn't trying to kill myself I swear!" I said quickly as I glanced over at him, he was sitting by bed and holding his head. "I just wanted a little scratch I didn't mean for things to get bad I couldn't control myself!"

"I understand Carlos…" Kendall sighed and leaned back to stare at me. "This is scary dude…you could have died!"

"I know…I know I didn't mean to scare you guys I just…I just wanted a little bit." I sniffled and looked away from him. I'm so stupid I'm so ashamed of myself…

"Carlos, I really don't want you doing that again man. I don't want to see you bleeding like that. I don't... don't want to see you crying in fear thinking that you're going to die and I don't ever want you to think that you _need_ to do that to yourself….please we're here for you, TALK to us don't do that!" Kendall begged me as he stood up from his chair and stood by my bedside.

"I was just so mad….I screwed everything up and Colette's going to hate me—"

"No, that's not true!" Kendall shook his bed, "Bitters screwed you over and he's definitely going to get it. Colette isn't going to hate you because it's not your fault." He then leaned over and hugged me, and I just had to hug him back. I could hear the door open and I felt the bed dip as Katie jumped on it and started to hug me too.

"Carlos sweetie…..how are you feeling?" Mama Knight asked quietly while smoothing down my hair.

"I'm fine…" I mumbled and kept hugging my friends, Mama Knight got quiet for a minute before talking again.

"The doctor recommended me a therapist—"

"NO! I DON'T WANT TO GO!" I shouted instantly and that made Katie and Kendall pull away to give me space, or they were scared…I wouldn't blame them for being scared of me. "I don't want to go I'm not crazy Mama Knight I swear!"

"Carlos sweetie no one said you were crazy!" She cooed and ran her hand down my arm, "I just think that this could help you and…getting you to stop—"

"I DON'T WANT THE HELP OF SOMEONE WHO'S GOING TO SAY I'M CRAZY I DON'T WANT IT!" I shouted at her and shut my eyes tightly. I hate yelling at Mama Knight but I don't want to see a therapist or anybody! I'm not crazy! I'm really not I can do this on my own! I don't need them!

"LOS!" The door flew open _again_ and James tackled me on the bed along with Logan. "Shit man don't ever do that again you scared me." James sighed hugging me tightly.

"Please don't do that Carlos, don't let people bother you to that point." Logan muttered and hugged me just as tightly. I just nodded quietly and hugged them back, and behind them I saw Tim and Colette at the door. Colette had on a pretty white dress and she looked like an angel but she's going to hate me so much, maybe she'll get so angry the dress will look red.

"What are they doing here? She can't see me like this…" I muttered and tried to hide my face behind my friends.

"Tim was dropping her off when I was busy um…kicking Bitters' ass." James muttered, "We told them what happened Carlos I'm sorry but we had to." James mumbled and reached into his back pocket. "But I got it for you…" He handed me the blue box and patted me on the back. "See? It's safe…pretty by the way."

"She'll really like it." Logan smiled and patted my back. "We should…let him talk to her." He glanced around and everyone nodded.

"Wait don't leave me alone please I can't!" I whispered.

"I'll stay!" Mama Knight said quickly, but Kendall and Katie grabbed her arms and started to drag her out of the room. Once they were out I could see Tim introduce himself to her while Colette walked inside and closed the door behind her. Oh no she's going to call me a failure and say I'm disappointing and I'm weak and—

"I'm _so_ glad you're okay!" Colette ran over to my bedside and hugged me tightly. "Logan told me what happened when we saw James mauling that fat guy. Oh my god Carlos I was so scared!" She held my face and kissed me before hugging me again.

"Wait so….you…you're not mad at me? You're not disappointed and you don't think I'm a failure?" I asked her with wide eyes. She stared at me like I was insane and shook her head.

"How could I ever be mad at you?"

"Because I…I almost killed myself!" I shouted and looked away. "I didn't mean to Colette honestly I really didn't want to. I was just so angry I lost myself and…and it happened and I didn't want it to! I just wanted some scratches but I was so angry they just went so deep and it was so much blood." I found myself crying again and I felt so weak and horrible. But Colette held my face and kissed me so sweetly and wiped my tears away.

"Carlos I can't be mad at you for what you did. That's….so wrong I _can't_ be mad at you. I understand how you feel sweetie I absolutely know what you're going through." She sat on the bed and ran her fingers along my bandage while staring at me. "When I was living with my mom I wanted to die. My brother moved because he couldn't stand it and he finally had the opportunity to do the job of his dreams. It was a nightmare living with her without my brother helping me to get through her…lack of speaking skills so to speak. She always put us down because she had to work _so hard_ with what she was doing. Nothing came easy to her but she had the misfortune of having two kids that are smart and have common sense and were good at what they did, she didn't like that and she always put us down and tried to make us do what she did, and with me she won. I wanted to be a pastry chef but she said I wasn't good enough. I felt like _dirt_ with the way she spoke down to me, I gave up on my dream. Then one day I took a blade and I did the deepest cut possible on my thigh and that scar still stays with me. I just use lotions and water-proof foundation to lighten it. It still hurts me today and that wasn't enough. I chugged a bottle of Excedrin and I was ready to quit but it just didn't happen."

OH MY GOD!

"So I understand how much hurt and pain you could feel. I understand that the pain you put on yourself makes the emotions and everything else feel like they'll go away. Whether you tried to…kill yourself or not—"

"I DIDN'T!"

"Right…well, I'm not going to be mad at you for that, no one will be. Want to know why?" She spoke so softly. I shrugged and looked down at my feet. "Because people care about you. People love you and don't want to see you hurt yourself this way. People want to see you smile and laugh and be happy! People would do anything to see you smile Carlos…. And I know…I know the pain makes everything feel like happiness can't be achieved, like you're doomed to be miserable." I glanced at her and her eyes were watering, OH NO I MADE HER CRY! "But please Carlos there's a lobby full of people out there that love you very much and don't want to see you hurt. All of us want to help you and make you happy and be there for you so you don't feel the need to hurt yourself." She leaned over and kissed my forehead, then leaned down and kissed my bandage.

"I just feel dumb…"I muttered and looked down at the box in my other hand. "I had this whole great thing planned out for us and then because of me being stupid and irresponsible, everything today was ruined."

"What was it?" She wiped at her eyes and tilted her head to the side. "And you're neither stupid nor irresponsible, your hotel manager just happens to be a huge dick!"

HAHA SHE CALLED BITTERS A DICK!

"I got this necklace for you because I want you to be my girlfriend." I mumbled as I opened the box and showed her the necklace. Her eyes widened and soon enough she had a really big smile on her face.

"Carlos that's the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me!" She gushed and squeezed my shoulder.

"Yeah…well I understand if you don't want to be my girlfriend now because of what just happened." I muttered and shifted in bed, but Colette shook her head.

"No way, I'd love to be your girlfriend Carlos. There's no boy that's better than you." She smiled and kissed me so sweetly, I could taste her vanilla chap stick. When she pulled away I pulled the necklace out of the box and put it around her neck. "It's beautiful Carlos, thank you."

"I wanted to get you a cookie because I know you like chocolate chip cookies but they were ugly necklaces." I nodded at her, and she just kept on smiling.

"I'd love anything you got for me." She sighed and leaned down to hug me and rest her head on my chest. "Please remember Carlos, we all love you and we won't want to see you hurt, just talk to us next time…"

"I'll try my best…"


	16. Chapter 16

**(Kachilee07: Yeah they can both help each other to make full recoveries and talk to one another and to make everything feel okay, those sweet little fucks. Plus she got a necklace and Carlos is happy with her, so it's kind of bittersweet!**

**Am4muzik: Thank you, and yeah James NEEDED to kick Bitters' ass, that was mandatory.**

**AddictedtoMusic18: Glad you thought so! DEFINITELY GO JAMES FOR KICKING ASS**

**Tokala: They are definitely precious!**

**Thesandbar: HE'S GOING TO GET SO HURT HE'LL HAVE A NEW ASSHOLE! I guess they can be happy…..I don't know**

**Emy. Elle: Yeaahhh Colette and Tim don't have the best mother in the world, but at least Carlos has two people that know how he feels. Pst….James is totally touchable…don't make me accept that challenge lol.**

**DeniseDEMD: Yay for overprotective James! Yeah I think that close call will keep him from doing that ever again.**

**ValentineZombie: They're like puzzle pieces! A very easy puzzle with only two pieces…but still, that counts.**

**Star197: I hope he does too.**

**Purple-Soda-Art: Yeah all he needs is a good environment, and minus Bitters being a dick that's exactly what he has!)**

* * *

In the morning I was back home and we were all sitting at the table eating breakfast. They let me go last night after a few hours to make sure I was perfectly okay, and everyone stayed the entire time, even Colette and Tim. I was surprised Tim stayed, but I think he was staying for his sister. I couldn't really fall asleep, so James actually stood up with me and we snuck down to the living room to watch TV, then soon enough Kendall and Logan couldn't sleep either, and we were all watching TV until we passed out. So I guess now we're kind of having a late morning breakfast, like a hangover breakfast! Even though we're not hung over and I don't know what it's like to be hung over.

So we were all kind of quiet eating breakfast, it was my favorite, pancakes with sausage and potatoes. She either feels bad about what happened or she's preparing me to go see a therapist. I really wish her and Katie didn't find out about what I do, I don't want them to constantly worry about me, and I especially don't want to see a therapist! "So… I guess we're going to see someone that's going to say I'm crazy today?" I asked Mama Knight after I ate my breakfast. The guys all stared at me and then at her as she washed dishes and shook her head.

"No Carlos, I'm not going to make you see a therapist." She replied while scrubbing the frying pan.

"Awesome!—Wait….really? But why not? The doctor told you to and you wanted to…" I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, but Mama Knight smiled at me and kept on washing dishes.

"But you don't want to Carlos and I'm not going to force you. If you want to talk to someone about it then I'll gladly take you to see someone, but if you don't want to I won't make you." Then she dried up her hands and came over to pick up our dishes, but not before kissing me on the forehead. "I love you like you're my own son, and I won't make you do what you don't want to do unless it's cleaning your room or taking out the trash." She chuckled and walked back to the sink, "Now you kids go have fun, you have the day off go and enjoy it."

I was too shocked to move, so the guys grabbed me by my arms and dragged me out of the apartment and into the elevator. "Dude I can't believe how cool my mom was about it!" Kendall shook his head and pressed the button so we could go to the lobby.

"Yeah I've never seen Mama Knight so relaxed about something!" James added.

"Especially with what just happened…..did you say anything to her afterwards Carlos?" Logan asked me and I quickly shook my head.

"No nothing at all! I was with you guys the whole time." I wish I told her that I didn't want a therapist…well a second time anyway. Did she just….listen to me and not do it because I yelled at her? I don't know but I'm thankful for that! When we got to the lobby I didn't want to see Bitters so I quickly went over to the pool with Kendall and Logan. I turned around wondering where James went and we saw him leaning against the table and whispering something to Bitters. Bitters looked like he definitely got beat up, and he also looked scared. James moved away with a grin as he ruffled his hair and made his way over to us.

"James what was that?" Kendall raised an eyebrow at James who shrugged and shoved his hands in his pockets.

"Mmm nothing…just had a little chat. So how about we go in the pool?" He clapped his hands and stared at me but I shook my head.

"I can't get my stitches wet." I sighed and looked away from the pool…I love the pool.

"Alright then we'll get smoothies and talk about girls." James nodded and walked towards the smoothie bar. Hey…actually that reminds me something.

"Oh James I had a question to ask you! Lucy said it's good I have metal bars for a headboard and told me to get lots of belts. What does that mean?"

"NO LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT THIS!" Kendall yelled quickly and immediately turned red in embarrassment.

"Ah…Carlos, sweet, innocent Carlos." James grinned and put an arm around my shoulders. "My little buddy that occasionally watches porn and then feels guilty about it…it's time to tell you about sex and all the fun things you can do. For example, using belts to tie your partner's wrists to the headboard."

SO THAT'S WHAT THAT'S FOR?! OH MY GOD!

"But wait wouldn't that hurt or she'd get freaked out?" I frowned staring up at him and he just shook his head.

"No way man, the girls totally dig it, some not all though so you have to be careful. Ask Kendall he ties Lucy up all the time." He smirked and nodded over to Kendall who stood there bright red.

"REALLY!?"

"I hate you guys so much sometimes." Kendall muttered while staring at the sky. He hates the sky so much? What?

* * *

After I hung out with the guys and they all explained to me the magic of sex and what else you can do with belts besides tying hands, I decided I wanted to see Colette! Not to have sex…well I kind of want to but we can't do that because people are home and her brother might stab me, but we're going to see a movie together and go out for dessert because we both had dinner! So I knocked on the door and Tim answered and let me in. "Hi Tim!"

"Hey Carlos, how are you feeling?" He shut the door behind me and walked with me, "Colette's going to be a minute, she hasn't cleaned her room for a month and has no idea where one of her shoes is." He rolled his eyes and went to the kitchen. "Want something to drink?"

"No but I'll take a cookie!" My eyes widened seeing a plate of chocolate chip cookies and I immediately grabbed one. "And I'm okay…better than yesterday."

"That's good, must have been rough." He nodded and took a cookie as well. Hey….I saw him talking to Mama Knight yesterday through the window.

"Mama Knight wanted to send me to therapy." I nodded and ate another cookie; Tim just stared at me nodding slowly. "But she didn't for some reason; she said she wasn't going to force me because she knows I don't want to go."

"Hey that's good she's not forcing you! You should be able to make that decision for yourself." He said while taking a sip of coffee he had put together.

"Yeah…umm did you talk to her? Cause I know the doctor wanted her to do it but suddenly she changed her mind." I sat up on the stool and Tim sighed with a bit of a nod.

"Yeah…I heard the shouting and I talked to her about it." He turned away from me and went to the refrigerator to get more cream for the coffee.

"Oh….well thanks…but why did you do that? You didn't have to." I looked down at my last bit of cookie and broke it up into tiny pieces before eating them.

"Because I went through the same thing with Colette. I tried to get her to go because I go myself since our mom is out of her fucking mind." Whoa I didn't know he went to therapy! Or maybe Colette told me and I forgot…I don't know! "I feel a lot better going, but that's just me personally, not everyone needs it and I'm sure a lot of people can get through it without professional help. Like Colette, she refuses to go, she doesn't want to be judged by the therapist and she wants to get through it on her own and feel strong, which she's done very well and I commend her for that. So I explained it to Mrs. Knight that therapy isn't an immediate need nor is it absolutely necessary, because my sister doesn't go and she's fine, so you'll be fine." He then put the creamer back in the refrigerator and stirred his coffee like it was the most casual conversation ever. "There's nothing wrong with going if you ever feel like you need to go, but there's nothing wrong with not wanting to go either and that's important to remember."

"Oh….thanks Tim….Thanks a lot actually that…that was really nice and stuff." I nodded and scratched my head. I'm not used to people being so nice to me unless they're the guys, so…this is new.

"Yeah well, my sister really cares about you and you're a good guy." He sipped his coffee and looked at me over his glasses, "But if you hurt her or get her pregnant I'll murder you and scatter your limbs through the country." He smiled at me perfectly calmly. "Hey Colette, found your shoes?"

"Yeah! What were you guys talking about?" She asked while hugging me and kissing my cheek.

"Oh just talking to Carlos about scoring some pot and making pot brownies." He nodded and walked around the counter to kiss her on the cheek. "Have fun you guys, don't get pregnant or do drugs or end up in jail." He remarked while walking away," Later Carlos!"

"Bye!" I waved to Tim and got the hell out of their house, dragging Colette to the car who was giggling and squeezing my hand. "So um, your brother is pretty cool!"

"Yeah he's my home boy." Colette giggled as I opened the car door for her. When I climbed in and started the car she continued to talk about him. "He jokes around _all the time_ about the most ridiculous things, but he's a big softy if you get to know him." She nodded and put on her seatbelt while I drove.

"Yeah he seems like a good guy…." I mumbled and drove. Hell he is a good guy he convinced Mama Knight not to force me to talk to people who are going to say I'm crazy! Their whole family is nice and caring—well….the kids are nice and caring, but I guess it's because their mom is a psycho bitch.


	17. Chapter 17

**(ValentineZombie: Yeah Los has a lot of support behind him so that's good, and of course Kendall's sex life was thrown out in the open.**

**Am4muzik: Well you know James, him and sex just go hand in hand, can't have one without the other. But yeah Tim made a good point, so good for him!**

**Kachilee07: Carlos crazy in bed…yeah I can definitely see that! Oh Tim is a dynamite brother, plus the hint he threw out before being all nice when Colette got there, pretty awesome**

**Thesandbar: I feel your pain, touchscreen stuff and I just never get along, ever. I like Tim more and more everyday too, and James and sex….yup, he had to throw that out there.**

**AddictedTomusic18: Yay happy date time for the two of them!**

**Tokala: Definitely, how could he not be? He has the face for it…looks sweet, but he has the I'm a dirty bastard in bed face.**

**Emy. Elle: Tim is one of a kind with his jokes I'll tell you that, of course Kendall gets no mercy about sex when James is around, poor bastard.**

**DeniseDEMD: Yay for early morning laughter! Yeah Carlos is having a rough time but that was definitely a better day for him**

**Star197: He definitely isn't!**

**HollyDust2334: Ha you can? That's awesome…would be fun to see. Ah uh sorry for all the emotions!)**

_**Hello people, some things are coming up and I don't know when I'll be updating again, so don't hold me to any updates soon please. School's going to start in about 2 weeks [don't even know at this point] so yup, that's all for today, hope this update does not disappoint.**_

* * *

"Oh my god Colette no!" I yelled and jumped up to go save her, watching as three girls shoved her to the ground and proceeded to dig their claws into her skin and bite at her arms, but James and Kendall yanked on my arms and pulled me back down onto the sofa as the words 'To Be Continued' came across the screen.

"Relax Carlos it's just a TV show, remember?" Kendall laughed and rubbed my back, "She's not actually a vampire getting mauled by werewolf chicks, she's perfectly fine at home or wherever she is." He patted my shoulder and leaned back in his seat. Pft, I know she's in a TV show I'm not dumb…

"I know that but I forget I'm watching the show sometimes and get nervous." I muttered and scratched my head while looking down at my shoes. Okay so maybe I'm a little dumb because I forget it's just TV but she's my girlfriend and I get so into watching her that I …erm, confuse real life and television. But I was totally ready to jump in there and kick werewolf ass even though they'd tear me apart! Because I'm Carlos and I'm awesome and I kind of sometimes imagine the episode ending with me and her doing things in her room.

Fun things.

"Alright Carlos is off in la-la land in his head…" I could hear Logan say, so James shook my shoulders and pulled me up to my feet.

"Come on buddy we have to go see Gustavo and record some stuff, then when you're done you can keep having dirty thoughts about Colette." He laughed as we all walked to the door. Now hey wait a minute, can he read my mind? Because I didn't say one thing about doing dirty things with her!

"Hey how did you know I was thinking that?" I frowned and elbowed him in the rib cage when we got in an elevator, but instead of him answering Kendall did it!

"Probably because your head fell to the side and you started biting your lips." Kendall snorted and shoved his hands in his pockets. "It's not hard to tell when you start getting dirty thoughts dude."

"You guys act like I have dirty thoughts all the time!" I pouted and crossed my arms over my chest," for your information no I don't!"

"Yes you do." They all told me as we walked over to the car, but I just said no I don't!

"Since you've been dating her most of the time we just catch you in a daze of…sex thoughts and planning." Logan nodded and we all climbed into the car to head over to the studio. Hey…I'm pretty sure I don't have sex thoughts all the time—Okay maybe I do, but I can't help it I want some!

* * *

THIS NEW SONG WE'RE WORKING ON IS SO AWESOME! I LOVE IT BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE IT WAS MEANT FOR ME! IT JUST SPEAKS WORDS AND THINGS ABOUT ME AND COLETTE AND IT'S AWESOME—wait I forgot the title.

Oh, it's Lost in Love, yeah, that song is SO AWESOME! I should sing it to her, then I can get in her pants—I mean, I like her. I like her a lot, I think I love her….no I do love her….but I also love the way she looks! I love how she looks in her bikini whenever we go to the pool or how she wears these cute funky print shorts and t shirts and….yeah! I mean, I'm a guy, I have needs, my hand and dreams aren't enough! Okay well they are, I can get the job done just fine by myself but I want to touch someone else and be touched and have all the fun that Kendall has with Lucy!

But I also don't want Colette's brother to cut my dick off, I kind of need that.

"Carlos!" James waved his hand in front of my face and snapped his fingers. "Stop having dirty thoughts Gustavo's trying to tell us something." I nodded at James and crossed my arms over my chest as I glanced at Gustavo. Sometimes I like him, sometimes I hate him, but right now it looks like he's being forced to say something because I can see Kelly digging her nails into his shoulder and he looks like someone punched him in the nuts.

"Now I just wanted to say to you guys…" Gustavo's eye twitched so bad we could see it behind the sunglasses. He pursed his lips before taking a deep breath and finishing his sentence, "You guys are doing very well…..and I'm…happy with your work…and Carlos….your singing is…very good." He nodded and glanced over at Kelly so she could stop clawing him to death.

Hey…he said my singing is good….wait a minute.

"Alright what's going on with you?" Kendall was the first to ask and quickly made his way out of the booth will all of us walking behind him. "Kelly's practically killing you to be nice to us….you never compliment us, especially single one of us out after we're done recording, so what's going on?" He stood in front of all of us while he glared down at Gustavo.

"I'm just…trying to let you guys know that I'm….p-pro—uh, happy with your work. That way you don't…go off and do crazy things." Gustavo said while rubbing the back of his neck, and Kelly slapped her own forehead and stared up at the ceiling. Hey what does he mean to go off and do crazy things? We do plenty of dumb stuff and that's not because he doesn't say we're good or—oh…

Oh…

He's talking about me and cutting myself. So he thinks I'm crazy.

"Crazy things? What are you talking about?" James put a hand on my shoulder and glared down at Gustavo who was now staring at me.

"Well….you know—"

"What I did." I muttered and looked down at my feet; of course Gustavo and Kelly know what happened! Ugh I can't believe it, how stupid of me to think it would be kept quiet. I bet Mama Knight told them so Gustavo wouldn't be so hard on me. "He doesn't want me to cut myself an end up in the hospital again because he's shouting at us or something, because he thinks I'm crazy."

"Hey now wait a second I didn't say you were crazy!" Gustavo jumped up to his feet to defend himself, but I know what he meant and he can't take it back.

"You said you didn't want us to do any crazy things! So you think what I did was stupid and crazy so you think I'm crazy for doing this!" I yanked up the sleeve of my cardigan and stuck my arm out so he could see the stitches on my wrist. "You think I'm crazy and I'm going to kill myself over you yelling us but you know what? I'm not going to do that because….because I'm stronger than that!" I found myself yelling at Gustavo, and I've…I've never really defended myself like that! "I'm stronger than I thought I was and…than you think I am! So if you want to yell and scream like you always do…FINE! Do that because it won't…it won't change who I am or make me stop being myself…I'm not going to let every little thing trigger me like it used to! I'm going to get better and I don't need anyone walking on eggshells around me or treating me like some fragile thing because they think I'm crazy! I'M NOT CRAZY AND I'M NOT SUICIDAL AND I DON'T ENED ANYONE TO TREAT ME DIFFERENTLY!" I yelled the last part and ripped James' hand off of my shoulder and made my way out of the studio through the back exit. Once I was out I sighed and sat on the railing, letting my legs hang off of the sides as I stared at the ground and kept my hands curled tightly around the cold metal bar.

I'm trying so hard to fight the urge to rip off my stitches and let the blood pour. Or to put my fist into the concrete wall beside me, because boy do I really want to do it. But I can't because I just said I was strong and I can't fail! I don't want to be known as crazy _and_ a failure. Plus Colette said punching walls isn't good for her to do…so I shouldn't do it. I could break my knuckles or something, I already nearly died…

I felt James' arm come from behind and go around my neck as he pulled me close to him and patted the top of my head. I could tell it was James because you can smell his dumb Cuda stuff a million jillion miles away. Then I saw Logan rest his hand on my shoulder while rubbing his knuckles on my scalp, OW, and Kendall did the same thing. "What the hell you guys?"

"We're proud of you for what you said back there." Kendall smiled and hopped up to see on the railing with me.

"Really? I did say much though I just said how I felt—"

"That's why we're proud of you Los! You said how you felt and you didn't bottle anything up, you just let loose." Logan added with a grin and leaned against the railing while James stuck his head in between me and Kendall.

"Yeah, and the look on Gustavo's face was priceless…anyway, we're glad you said something because we were all ready to throw Gustavo into that trash bin over there."

"Definitely, it was going to happen." Kendall nodded then laughed a bit before getting quiet. "That's a big step Carlos, you know that right?"

PFFFFFFT NUH UH.

"Pft you guys…it's not _that_ big of a step!" I told them while looking down and trying to hide my smile.

"Shut up Carlos." James chuckled and patted my back. "Come on, we should celebrate. I'm thinking…chili cheese fries—"

"YES!" I jumped off of the railing and took off towards the car without even looking back to see if they were still with me. I mean, come on, when it comes to chili cheese fries you just can't wait.

OH MAN THIS DAY IS AWESOME

I CAN GET MY FRENCH FRIES AND THEN GO SEE COLETTE AND TELL HER WHAT HAPPENED AND THAT THE GUYS ARE ALL PROUD OF ME! THEN SHE'LL BE PROUD OF ME AND WE CAN MAKE OUT AND STUFF!


	18. Sexual Frustration

**(****_Alright usually I would TOTALLY answer reviews because I love Colette and Carlos and want them to have babies. But I'm at my friend's house and I'm having WAY too much fun watching her fuck with people, not sexually, I mean messing with them. PLUS you know, Netflix and junk food, this is like…my real vacation right now, at the end of summer lol SO I HOPE YA'LL ENJOY_****)**

* * *

Oh man, okay, I'm going to see Colette today! PLUS she's at a photo-shoot so she's either wearing no clothes or a lot of clothing….but knowing her and how much she values her brother's opinion she's probably going to be super dressed. Well I was running up the stairs of the building and I ended up bumping into her brother who was in a suit and had his briefcase or messenger bag, whatever it's supposed to be called!

"Hey Carlos." He stopped and shook my hand before taking two steps down, "Sorry I'm in a rush back to work. Colette is on break now I just brought her some lunch, if you're lucky she'll let you have a bite."

"Alright thanks Tim, see you later!" I waved to him as he ran down the stairs before I continued my run up. When I reached the loft they were shooting it I realized it was this totally awesome room with stone walls and it was dark and stuff but they had turned on some lamps I guess because they were taking a break. I looked around for Colette and spotted her pacing back and forth as she ate what looked like the burrito bowl from Chipotle….I can tell because when we go out she always gets it….constantly.

Like a crack head!

But oh my god she looked fucking hot. I get she plays a vampire but…WOW! She's wearing this dark red corset, and a black leather jacket and I think those are black leather pants and boots and—okay if I keep staring at her I'm going to have a problem in my pants. Colette noticed me and grinned before running over, still holding onto that burrito bowl! "Carlos! Aw I missed you!" She grinned and hugged me tightly before pulling back, "I want to kiss you, do you mind the taste of Mexican food?" She asked me.

WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT?!

"Of course I don't mind I love food!" I told her and grabbed her face to kiss her. This isn't fair, she just looks so damn good and everything is tight and curves are outlined and I want her! Oh my god. "How's your shoot so far?"

"Great! I'm on a bit of a break right now, waiting for the interviewer to come on by." She grabbed my hand and led me to a corner so we can sit on the tiny sofa. I'm so happy it's a tiny sofa because when we sat down she put her legs on my lap. I get to touch her legs….I like her legs. "So I can eat my food and you can have SOME bites and you can tell me what happened yesterday!" She smiled at me and took another bite of food before giving me some.

"Well yesterday we were recording and after we were done Gustavo was all nice and stuff and we didn't trust it because he usually calls us Dogs and screams at us and that's how we know we did okay." I nodded at her while she just stared at me like what I said was dumb! Okay maybe it makes no sense but you have to know Gustavo to understand that idiot. "But he was being all nice and stuff because of what happened with me and then said it was crazy so I...I snapped!" I shrugged at her and she just stared at me waiting for me to continue. "I yelled at him and stuff and then I walked out and I was…I don't know I felt weird but it felt good! The guys were proud of me so we got chili cheese fries!"

"The guys were proud of you? I'M proud of you Carlos baby that's amazing! You stood up for yourself and you said how you felt instead of bottling it all up! I'm so proud of you!" She put down her bowl on the floor and jumped over me to hug me tightly and kiss my cheek a million times. Aw man she's finally lying on top of me in leather but we're in public and she's being sweet and cute, damn it! "You! You're getting better and I love that!"

WOO I'M ON A ROLL TODAY!

"I love that too! OH and I have a song I want you to hear, it's really nice, it's called Lost in Love and—"

"Colette, we need to get back to shooting breaks over!" The photographer called while waving her over. She whimpered and sat up, kissing me on the cheek quickly before putting her food in my hands.

"You can eat that, sorry I have to shoot now but I would love to hear that song sometime!"

"Then…I'll wait for you here if that's okay?" I asked her and she quickly nodded, kissing me on the cheek before running to the backdrop thingy, so now I have dinner and a show! She quickly ran off and I made myself comfortable with her burrito bowl and this awesome soft sofa. She answered a few questions as they made her take the pictures. I didn't care too much about the questions because….she's in leather and I'm watching her pose.

First some dude that plays a stupid werewolf came up behind her and held his arm around her neck, making this face like he was growling at her. I would stand behind her but I'd put my arms around her and touch her boobs or something, or…stuff—WAIT HE BETTER NOT DO THAT BECAUSE I WILL BE SO MAD I WILL THROW PORK IN HIS FACE!

Okay well after that they did some stupid fighting stuff, and then it went back to Colette being super-hot on her own. She was lying down on some stone bench on her back with her legs bent and facing the camera and she stuck out her fangs. Oh my god. I wouldn't fuck a vampire in real life because I wouldn't want my blood sucked out but she looks SO HOT. Then she rolled on her stomach and I could see her butt all tight in the leather and stuff….

Oh no, I need to think of Bitters and Gustavo dancing around in bikinis now this is not good!

* * *

Okay so when she was done and stuff instead of going to her house went to the Palm Woods and I was SO HAPPY THAT NO ONE WAS HOME! Well I saw Andy and James making out in the hallway but I think they were going to go to her place and do things.

YAY I HAVE MY ROOM TO MYSELF AND I HAVE A HEADBOARD!

So I brought her up to my room. She's not wearing all leather like in the photo shoot, but now she has on yoga pants and a long sweater that shows her shoulders and I'm totally okay with that! I sat her down on my bed and opened up my email and played the track Gustavo sent me and then I sang along to it! It was awesome, she was all curled up and wrapped my blanket around her shoulders because it was cold and she was watching me with such intent….like she was so focused and I've never seen someone that focused on me before!

Well there was that one time I farted and James was freaking out. Or when I stepped on Logan's magnifying glass…or broke Kendall's hockey stick, or that time I burped and a girl passed out.

ANYWAY, none of that stuff happened right now it was just me singing to Colette and she was smiling and giggling and hiding her face with the blanket. Then when I gently tugged it down she was bright red but still smiling. SHE'S SO CUTE.

BUT SHE'S ALSO SO HOT I WANT TO DO THINGS!

"Do you really feel that way?" She smiled up at me and poked the top of my nose.

"Yeah I….really…love you Colette you make me feel happy and not crazy or psychotic or mental or—"I kept babbling on but Colette held my face and TOTALLY tackled me and started kissing me like she was possessed by some sexual demon vampire thing and it was hot.

"God Carlos, I love you so much." She breathed and SHOVED HER TONGUE IN MY MOUTH.

THAT WAS A SURPRISE I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT'S WHY IT WAS A SURPRISE BUT LIKE MCDONALDS I'M TOTALLY LOVING IT! But I also need to be the man, so I grabbed her and pushed her off and down onto the bed and crawled over her, she was giggling but she could not keep her hands off of me.

Sweet.

BUT HOLY SHIT I'M KISSING HER AND I'M SQUEEZING HER BOOBS AND THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!

"WHOA PUT A SOCK ON THE DOORKNOB!" I heard James shout and I jumped off of Colette and stood by the bed. "And cover yourself…." He muttered and shook his head, so I kind of put my hands over my jeans and…hid myself. Didn't realize I got THAT excited! "So I was…just going to say we wanted to use the room because Andy has people in her apartment painting but I guess that's not possible—"

"Actually um we should…go and have ice cream and calm down and stuff!" Colette said and jumped out of bed, "So it's all yours, come on Carlos!" She grabbed my hand and led me out of the door quickly and right out of the apartment.

FUCK NOW I NEED TO GET CONTROL OF THIS THING!

OH MY GOD I'M SO SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED RIGHT NOW!


	19. Chapter 19

**(Kachilee07: Oh man I'm glad you liked all the sexual-ness of this chapter and all the cuteness that was Carlos. For some reason me and sexual frustration goes well on paper, I wonder why! LMAO. UMMM I'm also good with really stupid lines like that McDonald's one**

**AddictedToMusic18: THANK YOU! But yeah poor Carlos has blue balls**

**Thesandbar: ISN'T IT?! Like you just want to help him get some ass because he's so frustrated**

**Tokala: RIGHT? He finally had a room with the metal headboard and was so about to get some and James just has to burst in and take the room from him.**

**HollyDust2334: Cause James is a horny guy…)**

* * *

I'm still kind of upset that James walked in on us! I WAS SO GOING TO GET SOME! The guys say I have blue balls. Honestly I don't have blue balls they're tan like my skin tone….so I don't know why they would think they're blue, but if James hadn't walked in on us then ….then I would have had normal balls! IT WAS SUCH A TEASE IT WASN'T FAIR SHE WAS IN _YOGA_ PANTS. THEY MAKE EVERYTHING LOOK GREAT!

After we had ice cream and stuff and I took her home I went to the bathroom and spent a lot of time in there.

The ice cream really messed up my stomach…

But then after I touched myself in the shower!

But it was only me touching myself in the shower. It would have been so much better if she was in the shower with me. Because she'd be wet, and naked preferably, and touching me. Oh my god I do think about sex all the time, this needs to change—

"CARLOS!" James shook me by my shoulders and I jumped out of my spot on the couch. "I've been trying to get your attention for the last ten minutes…sheesh. Anyway, thanks for letting me and Andy take the room yesterday we had so much fun…"

THAT ASSHOLE!

"Oh I'm glad you guys had so much fun, Colette and I had ice cream and then I took her home. I like ice cream but dude because of you bursting in I didn't get any, I was so close to getting some!" I sighed and shoved him in the shoulder.

"Sorry dude I couldn't help myself, it's like a dad catching his son getting action the first time, I was so proud." He nudged my ribs then ran his knuckles over my head and patted my back. Hey that's weird, if James was my dad that would make my mom a cougar, EW…. "Besides maybe you guys can get lucky today!"

"Yeah we'll see." I muttered and followed him out to the lobby. "Where are we supposed to be going?"

"Rocque Records so we can hear the tracks and see if we sound like shit and have to fix stuff." James told me as we grouped up with the guys and went to the car. "So Andy and I almost broke my bed frame yesterday."

"Ugh James come on no one wants to hear that." Logan cringed and shook his head as he hopped into the driver's side. Uh…well…

"Actually….I want to know how you did that, I want to be good at sex." I muttered quietly. James had the biggest grin on his face and Kendall just shook his head and got in the front seat with Logan.

"Oh no…" He muttered.

"Oh yes!" James rubbed his hands together and draped an arm around my shoulders. "Carlos when you and Colette finally go at it, you're going to give me every single detail, but for now I'm going to tell you how to screw a girl's brains out the right way!"

….WOULDN'T THAT KILL A GIRL?!

"James your dick is going to fall off one day." Logan sighed and James just snickered and shook his head.

"My dick? Please, Kendall goes at it about as much as Andy and I do, he's just quiet about it! Andy told me she saw bite marks all over Lucy—"

"CAN WE NOT BRING ME AND LUCY UP EVERY TIME CARLOS NEEDS SEX LESSONS?!" Kendall turned around and shouted at James with the reddest cheeks ever. Oh man, is it wrong to find this so funny?

When we finally got to the studio James had already told me so much about sex that I feel like I could totally be a porn star! Well I don't know how I feel about someone watching me have sex…okay no I'm not okay with that. I'm definitely not okay with other people looking at Colette naked either, so maybe I shouldn't go into the porn industry!

Anyway, we listened to the songs for our fourth album and wow do they sound great! We totally don't sound like shit or anything. "Damn Carlos… you really nailed it on Lost in Love." Kendall smiled at me.

"Really? You think so?" I asked with big eyes, I'm the one out of the group that can't sing!

"Definitely it sounds kick ass." Logan agreed.

"You can feel the love in it." James added with a nod, and then we all glanced over at Gustavo who had a straight face

"Yes, Dogs, Carlos does sound fabulous on this track. In fact you all sound great on this album, woopity doo, but it's not good enough! When we release this album we're getting right to work on a tour and a fifth album, got that? WE WILL DESTROY ALL OTHER BOY BANDS!" Gustavo shouted the last bit and pounded his fists on the table, making all of our glasses of water topple over and spill everywhere. So we took this as our cue to leave, and I would have gotten out successfully but I felt Gustavo grab my shoulder and spin me around. OH NO HE'S GOING TO EAT ME. "Carlos!"

"…Yeah?"

"You stood up to me." He narrowed his eyes and stared down at me, now I feel really uncomfortable, like he knows I think about him when I'm trying not to get a boner. "I respect that."

"Hey, thanks—"

"DON'T DO IT AGAIN!" he shouted and shoved me right out the door. Okay….I'll forget that happened and won't let it tick me off even though I have a very strong urge to put my fist through things!

BECAUSE I'M CARLOS AND I'M GETTING BETTER AND AT SOME POINT I'M GOING TO GET LAID! NOW IT'S TIME TO PICK UP COLETTE AND GET SOME ACTION. Or just…have ice cream…

* * *

Boy originally I was super excited to get to Colette's house because I just realized; we could totally fool around in the car! Well I got up to the front door and I knocked but no one answered, but I could definitely hear some screaming inside the house. So…I put my face against the glass and looked inside.

I'm not a stalker!

"NO I'M TIRED OF THIS BULLSHIT I'M SICK AND TIRED OF IT AND SHE WONDERS WHY I DON'T WANT TO BE HOME WITH HER!" Colette screamed and I saw her take her phone and hurl it into the wall. Wow, her brother is going to be pissed at that dent. "WHY IS NOTHING I DO RIGHT?! WHY AM I THE SHIT CHILD OF THE FAMILY!?"

"Colette stop screaming—"Tim moved closer to her but she shoved him back _hard_ and started pacing around in circles.

"No I'm fucking tired of it. Just because I'm not the conventional kid I don't get any sort of recognition! Everyone's all obsessed over you and our cousins. You and the other two assholes are going to be the business men, that fuck face that's always having sex is going to be an engineer and that little whiny spoiled jerk off is the star athlete at age 12 and could possibly be a baseball player! Me Oh man, I was the one that got a job at the youngest age, at fourteen and people acted like it was about fucking time! I act, and I'm not asking everyone to wipe my ass for me and kiss my feet but it's like I don't do anything! Because I'm not going into business or medicine or any of that I'm frowned upon. DOES THAT MAKE ANY FUCKING SENSE?!" By now Colette was screaming and her voice was shaking and I'm pretty sure she had black tears running down her face.

Or her eyes are melting…but I've never seen her _this_ bad, it's scary.

"Colette our family is full of morons stop letting them make you feel this way! You're away from them just ignore it!" Tim tried to reason with her.

"HOW CAN I IGNORE IT WHEN OUR MOTHER CALLS AND TEXTS DAILY AND NIGHTLY POINTING OUT MY FLAWS? OH I SAW THAT MAGAZINE COVER COLETTE, LOOKS LIKE YOU GAINED A LITTLE TUMMY! I SAW THAT NEW EPISODE COLETTE, HOW CAN YOU WEAR STUFF LIKE THAT ON THE SHOW?! I'M SO TIRED OF IT AND SHE MAKES ME WANT TO SMASH MY HEAD ON THE CONCERETE!" Colette a fist like she was going to punch the wall or the counter or something but she didn't, she punched herself on the leg and her brother grabbed her and held her tightly.

Probably she was crying hysterically, and so she could stop punching herself.

Wow I feel horrible….is that what I look like when I'm upset and explode at the guys? Holy shit now I know what it's like to be on the other side of that and it's…it's fucking scary…but they stuck by me on that, so I should never let them see me like that gain and now I have to stick by Colette!

So I moved away from the window, wiped the spot where my face was and ran back to the door to ring the bell. A couple of minutes later the door opened and Tim obviously had black eye makeup staining his shoulder, "Hey Carlos, now isn't exactly a good time…."

WELL DUH! Oh man I'm so sassy lately.


	20. Chapter 20

**(Tokala: LOL Kendall is always getting pointed out for being a kinky one so much!**

**Emy. Elle: Don't worry about it, and it's fine, Colette's mom definitely is insensitive and a major asshole here. But hey maybe that'll help Carlos get some ass somehow…?**

**ValentineZombie: James really wanted action in that room and he just couldn't wait, stupid boy! But yeah now Carlos understands what it's like to be on the other side of that sort of rampage, but hey now it's his turn to help Colette!**

**HollyDust2334: He is SO sassy!**

**Kachilee07: LOL the beginning of that chapter is probably my favorite beginning of anything ever! Poor Kendall is always getting tease and Gustavo is well….he's…a special brand of special. AW Colette likes hugs, she would enjoy that, maybe Carlos should hug her, and then bring out his penis**

**AddictedToMusic18: Well they are four very special dudes so they have some interesting talks lol)**

* * *

"I've seen her sad before Tim, I can help her just like I did last time!" I tried to take a step inside but he shook his head and covered the door.

"Oh no, no, no, sad Colette is extremely different than what she is right now. She's angry and hysterical and—"He tried to argue with me but pft, I've dealt with this before I can so handle it. I walked inside their house and over to the living room where she was shaking and curled up in a ball on the floor. Aw, if I didn't see her go on a totally crazy rant and smash things I would say she looked cute.

"Hey Colette!" I said quietly and knelt down beside her and put my hand on my shoulder but boy did she snap! I almost shit my pants! She shoved me on the ground and screamed 'get away from me' at the top of her lungs and _ran_ upstairs to her room! Holy shit! Alright well I was definitely not expecting that….I thought she loved me and stuff. "I…uh…"

"It's not you Carlos, believe me it's nothing personal." Tim sighed and patted me on the shoulder before moving to pick up her broken phone bits "It's how she gets. Our mom drives us nuts but she really takes it hard. She gets angry and I mean…She-Hulk angry. There's no talking to her until she's calmed down a bit. But hey you got lucky, last time I tried calming her down when she was like that she knocked me in the stomach." He chuckled a bit and put the broken bits on the counter before sighing and walking to the refrigerator.

"What um…what happened? I thought she was doing okay, I thought we were both doing well!" I sat on the bar stool and opened up the soda bottle he had given me. Pft, how misleading I thought it was beer and I was going to be so cool… "She seemed really happy!"

"Yeah that's the thing with my mom, she's like a murderer with her words." He shook his head and chugged half of the beer before talking again. Wow….well that's intimidating, murderer with words. Oh man, I wonder what that would be like if you could literally kill people with words. Like what if I said to Bitters, DIE, and he just died? That would be so crazy. "So Colette can be fine for months on end, absolutely the happiest she can be, but she takes her words way too seriously. She dislikes her but can't stand to not please someone, you know?"

"Oh I definitely know that feeling…"I muttered and nodded my head a bit. Kind of like Griffin, I definitely hate the dude but if we screw up and he's not happy I feel like shit….or when I hate Gustavo and want to punch him in his fat face…. "What happened now?"

"Colette took a picture of some of the shots from the photo shoot and sent it to mom because she was badgering her about it. She told her that she was getting bigger on her legs and that her outfit looked slutty and then started giving her some speech about her career." Tim rolled his eyes and finished the beer. "Not sure why she of all people would give that speech but whatever. It set Colette off and you got to see some of that… It sucks because Colette used to be chubby when she was little and mom always made comments, but when she became healthier she didn't stop making the comments, like she wants my sister to be anorexic or something."

"But Colette isn't chubby at all she's beautiful!" Okay I hope that wasn't an inappropriate thing to say to her older brother who looks like he could definitely be a serial killer and murder me, but I just blurted it out I can't help it.

"You're right, she is beautiful and my mom's an asshole for not seeing that." He looked down at his watch and took a deep breath. "Okay, Colette should be somewhat less enraged by now."

"Wait…I want to go upstairs." I finished my soda and jumped off of the bar stool. "She helped me…and I'm going to help her!" I nodded at Tim who just kept a straight face.

"Fine but if you try to have sex with her in her weakened, fragile state I will go up there and shove my fist down your throat." He muttered and watched me leave the kitchen.

See, that's kind of why I think he's a serial killer.

Well I trekked up the stairs and quietly opened her bedroom door. I poked my foot inside and since that wasn't stabbed or anything I poked my head through. Colette was lying on her bed on her tummy and had her face totally buried in the pillow. I quietly tip-toed over to her but tripped on one of her shoes and smacked my head on the floor "AWW!"

THAT FUCKING HURT.

I sat up rubbing my head and Colette was now sitting up and just staring at me. Aw she looks sad and has creepy scary eyes now cause of her makeup.

"I'm sorry for screaming at you and shoving you it was mean and wrong and I'm a bad person and—"Now I've seen enough romantic comedy movies in search of tips on woman to know that this is the point to make her feel comforted! So instead of letting her finish that I just plopped down on that super soft bed and hugged her super tightly. I might have said 'shh it's okay' a bunch of times too, and she just hugged me back really tight and cried.

I'm getting so good at this girl stuff.

"It's okay I know you're mad, but no breaking stuff, don't get all angry She-Hulk Colette, you're better than that and your mom! Your brother and I are here for you, and you know what? I think you're _beautiful_ and look perfect and your mom is jealous!" I told her and rocked side to side as I held her. "Everyone loves you and thinks you're just perfect, so stop listening to someone who can't see your supreme awesomeness."

"Thank you Los…." She muttered and hugged me; aw she's like a little ball! After a couple of minutes of silence she talked again, "I'm going to need a new phone…"

"Oh yeah you SO wrecked that other phone."

* * *

Okay so it's been about four days since I've seen Colette and it's burning me inside I want to see her and know she's okay! I mean, I've been busy practicing for tour and stuff and her and her brother have been doing some detox which involves video games and junk food…but still! I miss her and I want to touch her and hug her and bang her all the time!

Okay so maybe we've been seeing each other on Skype when she's on break from her detox stuff but THAT DOES NOT COUNT!

But she's supposed to be getting a new phone today and seeing me and I can't wait and I'm going to touch her butt, I just have to. I'm going to give her a hug and my hand is going to sneak down and it's going to be flawless.

Well the guys and I were practicing and I was really sweaty and gross from all the dancing but I was also excited to see Colette who is now a whole five minutes and thirty seven seconds late! Ugh, the suspense is killing me and—

"Carlos, your lady friend is here." Kendall smiled and pointed through the window. I turned around and saw Colette walking down the hallway with a really confused expression and a phone in her hand. OH MY GOD SHE'S HERE! I bolted out of the practice room and totally grabbed her and spun her around and crushed her.

"Oh my gosh, air Los!" She giggled and I felt her lips kiss my sweaty forehead that means she likes me even though I'm dirty. "Hi!"

"Hi! I've been texting you and you didn't answer!" I frowned at her and she giggled and showed me her phone, oh an iPhone!

"I don't understand it, I had a windows phone, and this confuses me!" She laughed and pointed at the texts. "I tried answering but I kept getting typos and got frustrated so I just stopped. I asked my brother for help but he said it was funnier watching me struggle."

"At least you tried; come on Logan can explain it!" I hugged her again, really tightly and then my hand kind of definitely wandered down to her butt. I also gave it a little squeeze and she giggled and slapped my shoulder. "Aw…"

"Your friends are there, save that for later." She smiled and kissed me before walking past me and into the practice room. "Logan, can you help me understand technology!?"

Save it for later…

That…that means that we're going to do things later. LIKE I CAN TOUCH HER BUTT LATER.

OH MY GOD THAT WAS THE OKAY TO GET SOME ASS. I'M GOING TO GET SOME ASS, LITERALLY, OH YES! THAT DETOX MADE HER FEEL EBTTER AND BECAUSE I WAS THERE NOW I'M LIKE A SAINT IN HER EYES AND THIS SAINT GETS BLESSED WITH SEX.

Oh my god can I go to hell for that?

"Carlos!" I heard my name and glanced through the window and saw Colette wave at me from her spot on the floor beside Logan, "Come on I missed you and your hugs!"

Oh, I'll take that invitation. I ran right over and slid next to her and draped my arms around her as Logan explained to her how to use her phone.

I AM SO GETTING SOME!


	21. Chapter 21

**(****_Oh man, okay so I'm feeling a little queasy and felt like I had to be totally silly for this episode. Also, classes start up again on Wednesday and I'm dreading ever moment of it…_****)**

* * *

Oh man, I'm leaving for tour in like four days and Colette and I have yet to have sex! Okay so maybe I got _some_ relief when one night we totally drove out of town for like an hour or two to go to a drive in Movie Theater. She's always wanted to do that and I thought that would be fun and I could get some tongue.

I GOT MORE THAN TONGUE, AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT MOVIE WE WATCHED!

I GOT HAND ACTION—ON MY DICK, AND IT WASN'T EVEN MY OWN HAND! Okay well to be fair I kind of used my hand because I was showing her how I liked it but still.

A GIRL TOUCHED ME!

Oh man it was so great and fun, and I TOTALLY touched her too! I got to touch her boobies and my hand totally went down her pants.

Wow, girls get super wet it's crazy! I don't know what's better though, a tower in your pants or an ocean….

Anyway, since that super fun time in the car with her I have just been dreaming about it non-stop and I want more but I don't know how I'm going to function now that I'm going on tour and won't see her for two entire months. Oh man…

Oh man but what if she relapses? Well she has her brother so she's okay but still I don't want her to be totally miserable or something bad to happen and I'm not there. But what if I relapse too and get super upset? What if….I don't know what if something bad happens on tour… Well I do have my brothers with me to keep me sane but still this is making me nervous! I've gone on tour before and I've cut myself on tour and hid it well but…I'm better now and I'm scared. Especially since Colette called me and said she wanted to talk before I go to tour. Now I'm really scared….What if she wants to dump me?

Oh my god, that's it.

SHE WANTS TO DUMP ME BECAUSE I WON'T BE AROUND FOR TWO MONTHS AND SHE'S A BEAUTIFUL GIRL SHE WANTS COMPANIONSHIP! OH MY GOD NO!

When the doorbell rang I launched myself down the slide and ran to the front door and yanked it open. I have to tell her she's my girlfriend and she's mine and I love her and she's mine and we touched each other so she can't just dump me yet! "Hi cutie—"

"COLETTE I KNOW I'M GOING ON TOUR BUT YOU CAN'T DUMP ME BECAUSE I LOVE YOU AND YOU LOVE ME AND I KNOW I WON'T BE HOME BUT I LOVE YOU AND DON'T WANT TO LOSE YOU!" I yelled and grabbed her into my arms and hugged her tightly, "I CAN STILL BE A SOMEWHAT OKAY BOYFRIEND EVEN WHEN I'M AWAY!"

"Carlos, baby, relax!" She giggled and I felt her run her fingertips through my hair and hug me back tightly, "I'm not here to break up with you, that's insane! You're the _perfect_ boyfriend, why would I give that up?" She pulled away and looked up at me like I'm crazy. Well…I guess I am kind of crazy.

"Because I'll be gone on tour and you'll want a boyfriend that's going to be with you all the time and—"I pouted when she put her finger over my lips and shook her head.

"Now a boyfriend that's around all the time is called a puppy! Or, way too clingy. I understand that you're going on tour and it's okay!" she shut the door behind her and giggled a bit as she took my hand and dragged me upstairs to my room. "Silly, I love you and I'm totally not letting you go before a tour, only a stupid girl would do that and I'm not stupid, I just have my moments." She smiled at me and opened the door to my room, pulling me down to sit on the bed while she got comfortable and put her backpack between us. "I just wanted to talk about…us before the tour."

"What about us? Did I do something wrong? Are you suddenly lesbian and not attracted to me anymore? Do you want to get in my duffel bag and I'll bring you along!?"

THOSE ARE ALL VALID QUESTIONS LEAVE ME ALONE.

"So cute…" She smiled and pinched my cheek and opened her bag up. "Actually…both of us I know have our...difficult times. You and I won't see each other and I want to make sure you're happy and okay! I know your boys will take care of you but I thought a few things could help." She pulled this box out and tossed the lid off like a little kid.

"Oh…so kind of like a survival kit?" I tilted my head to the side and watched her nod and reach inside.

"Yes, some feel good stuff!" She smiled and held up a little stick thing. "Took a lot of digging around, but I found for you a corn dog lip balm—"

"YES I HAVE BEEN SEARCHING FOR THIS MY ENTIRE LIFE!" I shouted and grabbed it from her instantly. I smeared it on my lips and licked them and damn they taste good. "Oh this is amazing."

"But wait, that's not all!" She kept on digging and pulled out some more stuff. "Some Whose Line Is It Anyway DVD's for the road, a Starbucks gift card, because who cares if Gustavo wants you to stop drinking that, right?" She smiled at me and I nodded along. Okay so maybe Gustavo doesn't want me to drink that stuff because I get really energetic and excited but the frappuccinos are so awesome and iced coffee makes me happy. "Some cookies and brownies because I know you like them….and a picture of the two of us at the water park!" She smiled and lifted up a piece of paper for me that she had laminated. It was the two of us celebrating the one month of me not cutting myself with everyone. Marie had taken the picture while I was carrying Colette on my back to go to some of the other rides. It's an awesome picture, and we look so happy!

"Oh wow I love it Colette….hold on I have something for you in case you miss me and to help keep you happy!" I ran over to my closet and pulled out my purple hoodie. Why this one? Well because when we all went to the carnival together and the girls ran away with all our clothes but Colette didn't and just put on my hoodie and started dancing, this was the one! She looked so cute in it and I couldn't get over it.

I also sometimes just imagine her naked and wearing only that.

….I am not a sex addict.

"AW THE PURPLE HOODIE!" She shouted and clapped her hands when I walked over and held it out to her. "I love this hoodie it's so comfy and soft and smells so nice." She giggled and buried her face in the hoodie, "just like you!"

I KNEW I SMELLED GOOD!

"I want you to have it, that way you can think of me." I smiled at her and was so happy when she jumped over me and hugged me tightly.

…I can touch her butt because no one is around but the two of us…

SO I DID JUST THAT—WAIT A MINUTE WE'RE ALL ALONE! I CAN HAVE SEX!

* * *

"CARLOS HAD SEX!" James yelled in the middle of the lobby. I walked Colette to her car and just went back to the lobby to chill with the guys and relax and as soon as I sat down he was screaming it!"

"Shut up! How can you even tell?" I whined and crossed my arms over my chest. Oh man now I know how Kendall feels!

"Because of how much she was smiling and she could not take her hands off of you, plus you were all over her and kissing her neck. Oh, also you have a giant bite mark on your collarbone." James pointed at it and I looked down and pulled my collar over more to try and hide it. "Oh man….dude sex before tour? You're going to regret that."

"Wait why am I going to regret that?"

"Because you're not going to get it for two months." Logan said with a nod.

"Yeah, you gave yourself a taste and now you're depriving yourself and you'll just think about it constantly." Kendall added with a little chuckle.

"OH NO WHAT HAVE I DONE?!" I shouted and jumped up to my feet. "I JUST REMEMBERED I WON'T GET ANY FOR TWO MONTHS THIS IS A CRIME!"

"Yeah….tough break buddy!" James laughed at me and patted my back.

Aw man, I think the only reason I would be upset and miserable on tour now isn't because something would upset me or trigger me, but because I won't be having sex. I'VE HAD IT AND NOW I WANT MORE.

WHY DOES LIFE ALWAYS MANAGE TO FUCK ME?!


	22. Chapter 22

**(am4muzik: Haha it's okay, AND YES SHE DID TOTALLY FUCK HIM! Ha, enjoy the Carlos feels they are the best ones to have!**

**Kachilee07: LOL I make up some pretty ridiculous lines for this story don't I? Also I'd love to know how you use that line in real life! Ugh Carlos is just so cute, AND he got laid!**

**ValentineZombie: If James didn't embarrass Carlos he wouldn't be James lol, and the baby got action but now he has to wait 2 months to get action again….that sucks so hard for him**

**Thesandbar: HE'S SO ADORABLE! Oh it's going to be lovely Carlos will probably masturbate like every day**

**HollyDust2334: Ha thank you that's quite the compliment and I appreciate it!**

**Tokala: I know how terrible is that? When he finally gets to have sex again he'll just burst!**

**Emy. Elle: That lip balm is real by the way! And Carlos got laid, and that's right Colette could visit!)**

* * *

It just takes one thing to set you off.

Just one thing to make this happy, carefree energy completely disappear and make you feel like complete and utter shit.

Well, make me feel like complete and utter shit.

It was stupid, it was fucking stupid and it shouldn't make me so damn upset but it does and I can't…I can't help how miserable I feel. I…. should not be feeling this way. I should not have the urge to break the bathroom mirror and use the glass to slit my wrist but god…I feel like I need to just to get through the day.

Everything was fine. The first week of tour was perfectly fine, I was texting Colette; everything was running smoothly, we made friends with some of the opening acts; everything was okay until I did something so stupid. No one else would have made that mistake, only me though because I'm a fucking idiot. James and I were running around backstage playing with light sabers and fighting each other. I was running and chasing him but I fell near one of the speakers. Apparently I ripped a cord that was _a necessity_ and we do not have a spare. If that speaker doesn't work then neither does some other speaker which we really need. If they can't find a replacement they don't know if they'll do a concert tonight and that throws everything off.

Man did I get the screaming of a lifetime.

I thought tour would be different. I thought it would be a vacation from all the shit that I dealt with at home. I thought I could be happy with my three best friends and just have a party and perform and have fun while meeting new people and fans that really love and care about us.

I guess I can't be happy anywhere I go.

I'm just about ready to tear my body up.

I stood up, fully ready to break that mirror in the bathroom, but I can't because they'll know. I don't want them to know, they think I'm doing so well…I could always rip apart one of the razors I have…but James counted how many I took on the trip so he would know if I was doing it behind his back.

GOD DAMN IT UGH I CAN'T EVEN HIDE THINGS TO CUT MYSELF WITH I'M SO FUCKING STUPID AND USELESS.

Ugh, I made a fist and I was ready to punch the wall or break something….but I can't. I promised Colette, I promised the guys…I…I can't become more of a failure than I already am.

So I picked up the phone and called someone I knew could help me.

"Hey baby, how's the tour?" Just hearing her voice manages to make me smile even a little bit.

"Horrible."

"What happened? Should I fly out there and punch someone in the face?" She threatened, and I could just imagine her trying to look all tough, but she'd still look so cute.

"Yeah come punch me in the face, hard." I sighed and heard her sigh too.

"Carlos baby don't speak that way, tell me what's wrong before you do something we both don't want you to do." I explained to Colette what happened and the more I thought about it…the more I felt a little dumb for feeling so angry with myself. "Aw Carlos…"

"I know, it's stupid and I'm an idiot for feeling that way—"

"You're not an idiot for feeling that way at all and don't ever feel stupid for how you feel, no matter what. Look what you guys did was an accident, shit happens! One time I might have broken a camera on set because I was supposed to throw a prop and I missed, but we can't dwell on our mistakes! If they aren't properly equipped to fix anything in case of an accident like that then it's completely _their_ fault not yours, they should know how to fix things!" She said it all so quickly I almost didn't catch it. I guess she has a point but I still feel bad. "You still feel bad don't you?"

….I think Colette lives inside my brain.

"I don't—"

"You do, I know you do….I can't be there to comfort you I really wish I could be, just do me a favor please? Go find the guys and hang out with them and be happy I don't want you to be upset you don't deserve that, you're on tour, please be happy baby."

"Yeah I'll try….love you." I mumbled before hanging up the phone. Man…

That helped, it really did but…I don't know. Maybe she's right; I need the guys right now.

* * *

"Hey Logan…." I muttered and walked closer to him. He was in the dressing room and he was on Skype with Camille but they just finished talking.

"Hey Los, what's up man?" He spun around in the chair and leaned back to glance at me. "You feel alright?"

"Yeah I just….uhhhh…" I sighed and grabbed the chair across from him and sat down. "Did you hear about what happened today?"

"Yeah I heard, James is still hiding somewhere from the tech guys." Logan chuckled and shook his head before looking at me again, "Not feeling too good about are you? It's…_bothering_ you?" He tilted his head to the side and all I could do was nod because the urge to freak out and break something and give myself a cut was really strong. "Alright come on."

"Where are we going?" I sighed as he grabbed my shoulders and pushed me out of the chair and out the door.

"Well we're going to have some fun to get you out of this funk!" He squeezed my shoulders and shoved me down the hallway. "Kendall! James! Skateboard time right now!"

"Aw I don't want to ride the skateboard…." I whined and tried to move away.

"Well how about a skateboard ride _and_ your happy box?" Kendall came running towards us and James popped out of a supply closet, looking both ways I guess to make sure he dodged the pissed off tech guys.

Hey I didn't even think about my happy box….

"Look see? You and Colette half naked in bathing suits." James shoved the picture in my face while Logan shoved a cookie in my mouth and Kendall smeared the corn dog lip balm over my lips.

….Okay so maybe I do kind of feel better with snacks and a picture of half-naked Colette on my back.

"How's that huh? Feeling better?" Logan asked and I shrugged a bit.

"I mean…I guess so, what else have you got?" I raised an eyebrow at them all and suddenly I was being pulled through the venue. When we were outside we all ran over to our tour bus and the guys pulled out the skateboards. I'm not really in the mood to skateboard, I kind of just want to lay in bed hug my pillow and eat the cookies—

"RIDE!" James ordered me threw the skateboard down in front of me. I shrugged and stepped on the board and followed the guys around. We weaved between golf carts and even ducked under the guys that were carrying some instruments out. They weren't happy and started yelling but Kendall told them to get over it, and it was pretty funny.

Hey, maybe I should have done that to the tech guys. Yeah I should have told them to get over it!

I can't be miserable on tour! I'm here with my best buds and we're just hanging out and having fun—okay maybe Logan isn't having fun because he just skated into a wall.

BUT WE'RE ALL HAVING FUN HERE! I can't just be miserable. I'm' going to kick butt on this tour and I'm going to show Colette I'm strong and amazing and show everyone else they can't bring me down.

"YOU ASSHOLES LEFT ME!" Logan yelled as he finally caught up to us on the board.

"Sorry Logan, it's your fault for falling! Tough luck!" I laughed and shoved him a bit and he nearly fell again!

"Oh look at that, seems like someone is feeling better huh?" Kendall glanced behind him and gave me a thumb up. "You know what would make it even better? I heard they got some cakes to eat…"

"Then we have to go!" I yelled, and I'm pretty sure I had super big wide eyes too. Alright so maybe I'm feeling better.

Okay so I do feel better. Colette was right; hanging out with the guys is making me forget my mistakes today!

I can do this after all; I can definitely survive on tour. I just wish Colette was here, I think I have blue balls again.


	23. Chapter 23

**(am4muzik: Right? They definitely made it out to be a bigger deal than it was those assholes. But yes his girlfriend and best friends managed to save the day, thank god for them**

**KAchilee07: AWWW thanks girl, I try you know, I always have to add in humor somewhere it's like my signature thing… But hey, Colette was wonderful on the phone and the boys all got together and made him better, Carlos has come a long way!**

**Tokala: They should, right? I think Colette would just giggle the entire time though and Carlos' balls would just be even bluer**

**AddictedToMusic18: LOL Logan hurt himself a little bit with that skating incident, but yes Carlos did not hurt himself he managed to get through it with his friends!**

**HollyDust2334: IDK but now I want cake now…damn it**

**Thesandbar: Definitely do that, I'm sure that boulder would hurt though. BUT YES he resisted the evil bastard and all is well!**

**ValentineZombie: Happy Los is definitely an adorable one too!**

**Emy. Elle: Yeah I wonder how it tastes though. Yeah it's sad the poor thing has blue balls but hey he doesn't have any cuts thanks to his friends and****Colette and himself, so yay!)**

_**Also, canwenotlogan has a dynamite new story out called Rewind that you should check out!**_

* * *

"Oh my god, dude you are so fucked she's going to kill you." James said while shaking his head and handing me back my phone, "But to be fair you totally fucked up."

OH GOD BUT I DIDN'T MEAN TO!

"But how did I fuck up? I don't understand I didn't say anything bad I thought I was a good boyfriend!" I whined as I followed James out from the back of the tour bus. I was texting Colette and something seemed off so I showed James and now according to him I'm going to get murdered by my adorable girlfriend! THERE'S SOMETHING NOT RIGHT ABOUT SOMEONE CUTE AND ADORBALE KILLING YOU!

"Your mistake was telling her that you made friends with some of the girls on tour. Then you told her that one in particular is always hanging out with us and taking pictures with you! Yeah that kind of ignites a woman's rage, oh and it didn't help that you said that Tina thinks you're adorable." James sighed and walked to the front door.

"But I was being honest because we're in a relationship and in a relationship you don't lie about things or people and I don't even like Tina and James don't let Colette murder me!" I begged him while following him. He yanked open the door for the bus and the two of us screamed bloody murder.

"Wow you guys I was not expecting that greeting!" Colette giggled and waved at the two of us. James and I just stood there stunned. Oh my god it's happening she's here to kill me because I'm a bad boyfriend. "Oh….uh well this is uncomfortable." She mumbled with a frown and looked down at her feet. OH NO NOW SHE'S SAD!

DAMN IT I AM SCREWING UP LEFT AND RIGHT!

"No! Oh my god no Colette don't be sad I love you we just thought you were here to kill me because I told you Tina thinks I'm adorable and takes pictures with me!" I pushed James out of the bus and walked over his legs since he kind of fell on the ground.

"Sweetie I wouldn't kill you for that, that's ridiculous that's not like you're cheating on me or anything!" She argued, and the two of us looked down at James who shrugged before quickly getting up and running away.

"Oh…" I mumbled quietly and nodded for a little bit. "OH MY GOD YOU SURPRISED ME HERE ON TOUR!" I yelled and grabbed her tightly to squeeze her in a super awesome hug so I can feel her boobs pressed against me.

"I missed you a lot and I needed to see your cute face again!" She giggled and hugged me tightly before kissing me. Oh no, oh no, the blue balls…. "Is there anyone in the bus? We can hang out!"

Does that mean sex? I like sex.

"No it's empty now come on!" I turned around and yanked her inside the bus. I think she tripped on the steps but I don't know because I kept dragging her and when I turned around she was standing upright….sort of! "So what do you want to do?" I'm really hoping she just says 'you' and then we have awesome sex but I don't know…

"Well what do you feel like doing?" She smiled and stepped closer to me and draped her arms around my shoulders. So I might have let my hands wander down and squeeze her butt—oh my god.

"Colette….are you wearing underwear? I don't feel them." I muttered and kept squeezing her butt but I couldn't feel a thing, unless it's a thong. Oh….

"Nope, nothing at all underneath." She smiled at me and bit down on her bottom lip.

OKAY, I KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, THAT'S AN INVITATION TO GET INTO HER PANTS. YES. Now I'm curious about her boobs. "What about underneath the shirt?"

"Might be a purple lace bra." She shrugged and looked away but broke out into a giggle fit, "it's hard trying to be sexy I can't stop giggling."

"Hey it's working on me!" I told her before kissing her, and yes maybe I dragged her into my bunk to do fun things.

Lots of fun things, for a nice long time.

* * *

Oh man bunk sex is fun sex. Okay all sex is fun sex I feel like a million dollars. Actually I feel exhausted but I feel like exhausted million dollars so that's okay. Well anyway after Colette and I went at like animals we went inside the arena so I could show her around and what it's like to be on tour and be in the music industry and stuff.

"…And that's the speaker that has the wire that I broke, they totally fixed it though! We sit on those couches, Logan mostly reads like a dork. Over there is where James and I hid a pile of chocolate pudding and made it look like crap. Oh down here are all the dressing rooms!" I tugged on her hand to lead her down the hallway with me, and when she got beside me I wrapped my arm around her waist and kept her close. Yeah, I'm in love, and I don't have any blue balls.

"Oh I want to see the dressing room! Is it super glamorous like in the movies?" She asked and I shook my head and laughed.

"Not at all, look!" I opened the door and yeah…it was already kind of messed up with our clothing racks all on the floor and there were darts everywhere because we had a Nerf gun fight. Um….yeah. "Yeah we were paying in here earlier today."

"You guys are so fun." She chuckled and shook her head. When we waked out of the dressing room I heard a familiar girly shriek, and I turned around and saw our friend Tina from one of the opening acts. "Huh, that's the girl that takes pictures with you." Colette muttered as she made her way over to us.

Colette does not sound happy by that…

"Hi Carlos!" Tina threw her hands around me and hugged me tightly. "Oh you look so cute today!" She smiled at me and stepped back but didn't say anything to Colette!

"Thanks, this is my girlfriend Colette, isn't she pretty?" I smiled staring down at Colette who just smiled at Tina and shook her hand.

"Nice to meet you." Colette told her, but she wasn't smiley or giggly or anything. I should be worried shouldn't I?

"Yeah," Tina nodded and looked at me," So what are you two up to? Oh Carlos you should come join me for some ice cream—"

"Carlos and I are busy spending some time together since I haven't seen him for the last month." Colette told her quickly. UHHH, I haven't seen this side of her before and I'm starting to get a little nervous. Okay well I've seen her sad and totally flipping out in a fit of rage and anger because of her mom but I haven't seen her look like she wants to kill a female.

OH SHE'S JEALOUS!

Uh oh.

"Yeah well Carlos and I usually hang out around this time." Tina defended and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Oh, really?" Colette smiled at her and shook her head, "not today sorry Tina."

"Whatever bitch." Tina muttered and walked away while Colette just tilted her head to the side.

"Uh are you okay?" I mumbled quietly.

"Totally fine!" She immediately smiled at me and grabbed a hold of my hand. "Totally not letting some dumb girl try to steal my baby cakes away from me, I just got here!" She looked up and kissed me sweetly. "I love you too much to let some strange girl try to snatch you away."

"And I love you too much to let that happen!" I smiled and hugged her tightly, "Also, I like when you show up not wearing any panties that makes lots of things better."

"Glad you agree I found it fun too!" She giggled and hid her face in my chest. Boy am I happy I met her, and had sex….and met her too!

**40 Minutes Later**

"Uh….Los you will never guess what just happened." Kendall said as he pulled out a chair for Colette and she sat down beside me perfectly quiet with her little carton of milk and a stack of chocolate chip cookies.

"They restocked catering with corn dogs?" I shouted and jumped up to my feet. Um yah, we're all eating lunch and well…I ate all of them. Now everyone's moved on to sweets but I still want more corn dogs!

"No actually…" Kendall looked behind him cautiously then leaned down and whispered to all of us. "Colette just punched Tina in the face!"

"What? Why?!" I looked over at Colette who shrugged and sipped her milk.

"Well she told me that she was better for you than I am, and I told her nicely to stop saying that. She wasn't nice about it and I got very, very angry and called me an ugly bitch, so I punched her in the face!" She shrugged and glanced at me, "You're not…mad are you?"

Uh….my girlfriend punched someone in the face who was being mean to her because she wanted me for herself.

My girlfriend kicked ass—oh no now I'm imagining her kicking ass in that leather outfit she wore for her photo shoot. OH GOD I'M MORE TURNED ON THAN I AM ANGRY!

"No I'm not mad at all Colette but um….no hitting people." I mumbled and hugged her tightly. "You're not an ugly bitch, you're my beautiful girlfriend." I smiled and kissed her on the temple.

"He's also extremely turned on right now." James added with a laugh.

"Shut up James!"

"See it's not so fun when he picks on you now is it?" Kendall snickered and took one of Colette's cookies.

"NO THAT ONE HAD EXTRA CHOCOLATE CHIPS!" She whined and jumped up to her feet to try to take it from him. That's okay, because we'll just have sex later.

….I don't know why that would make it okay that makes no sense, oh my god I have an addiction.


	24. Finale

**(kachilee07: Yeah Carlos might have messed up with what he told Colette but hey…it was all good because she turned around and punched that bitch in the face, and he probably still gets sex!**

**Tokala: Right? I'd gladly have bunk sex with Carlos, or all of them. Okay fine all of them. YES CARLOS HIDES THE SNEAKY SEX BEAST INSIDE BY BEING ADORABLE!**

**Thesandbar: He messed up but at the end of the day he still gets sex, but he is most definitely addicted lmao it's okay though I'll help him with his addiction**

**HollyDust2334: Yup wise word of advice, don't mess with Colette, and I've been good, you?**

**ValentineZombie: Carlos addicted to sex isn't bad at all; I'd take care of him! MMM maybe she needs a lesson on the punching people but it all worked out anyway**

**Emy. Elle: LOL nothing is wrong with the addiction at all, and Colette took care of things pretty quickly, so all is good….except for James falling on the ground**

**Purple-Soda-Art: YAY I'm glad you feel that way about the story, and sadly this is the last chapter**

**Mrs. ShayMaslow: YUP got to punch some bitches to keep him!**

**AddictedToMusic18: LOL YUP, the girl asked for it!)**

* * *

**_So I really, really love this story and I'm sad to see it go, but we've reached the end of this journey. Um, I ADORED writing this, this was everything for me and I think it's my top favorite. I hope you guys enjoyed it a least a quarter as much as I did! Will there be a sequel? Eh, if the idea comes around yes I'll gladly bring back Carlos and Colette, but for now it's adios! Thank you reading and reviewing and being amazing._**

* * *

Okay so Colette punching Tina in the face kind of was a totally awesome turn on and I did really want to bang her, but Gustavo was not happy with that so…..we hid Colette in our bus so we wouldn't get in trouble for harboring a face-puncher! But I wasn't mad at for doing that. Okay punching people in the face is very bad and she should not have done that but hey she didn't hurt herself or punch or a wall so…progress!

Speaking of progress….I MADE IT!

I made it through the rest of the tour and I didn't hurt myself. And you know what? Things weren't bothering me as much as they used to! I would get yelled at or scolded….but I kind of just didn't do anything about it, it didn't bother me because I know I'm awesome and Colette and the guys all told me not to let the little things bother me, and you know what….the little things don't bother me so much anymore! I have so much awesome stuff going for me that it's insane to let them bother me!

I have an _amazing_ girlfriend who loves me so much and even tolerates kissing me, even though I may wear the corn dog lip balm at times! She always supported me, even when we barely knew each other. When we first met she helped me and cleaned up the cut on my leg and talked to me about scars. She was always so supportive and caring and she knew all the right things to say. I guess that's because she and her brother have been through those feelings too, but still….she helped me! Speaking of her and her brother…they're happy! He's still dating the waitress Marie from the diner we went to on our first date, and according to Colette he's never been happier. My awesome girlfriend regained control of herself too! She hasn't punched walls or lost control or anything which I'm so happy about because she used to be in control, but then things with her mom made her relapse…

But now she's okay! The cutest smile and the best giggle in the world, and really awesome boobs and ass… I'm happy she's happy! When she gets upset, she plays games with her brother or her and I get ice cream and watch Whose Line Is It Anyway? It's AWESOME because we both help each other, and now sex is included! Plus everyone likes her…it's important that my brothers like my girlfriend, because if they didn't we wouldn't be able to date, I can't risk our friendship.

Speaking of brothers….they helped me _so much_ this whole time. I don't want to know what would have happened if they didn't find me that day at the beach! I might never have gotten better because even though Colette helped me, they helped me a lot too and they've always been there for me. They took care of me when I was at my lowest and they did everything they could. Especially James….I put him through a lot but he did so much for me, getting rid of my razors, counting them, checking my wrists, searching around to see if I was doing anything funny. I owe him a lot; I owe all of them a lot for helping me get through this! Without my brothers…..well maybe I would have….maybe I would have killed myself.

So I knew that once tour was over I needed to thank everyone!

So I planned a party thing all by myself—okay fine I asked Katie to help me. BUT IT WAS ALL MY IDEA!

I knew the party had to be awesome, so we ordered all my favorite foods. There were corn dogs and chili cheese fries, oh and Colette's favorites….so French fries and chicken fingers. Wow we eat like kids. OH AND WE GOT A CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN AND CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES AND A FOUNTAIN THAT POURS SODA! IT'S SO FUCKING AWESOME AND THIS THANK YOU PARTY IS GOING TO BE SO KICK ASS!

"Thanks for helping me Katie!" I told her and gave her a super tight hug and swung her back and forth, "this is great, and I'm excited!" I put her down and ran over to the soda fountain to make sure it was working, and yes it still tastes good.

"Good because they'll be here any minute!" She nodded at me and the two of us stood in front of the chocolate fountain. When the door opened everyone from Colette and Tim and Marie to my brothers and Mama Knight walked in and stopped dead in their tracks wondering what was going on.

"Okay, what did you two break?" Mama Knight sighed and dropped her purse on the kitchen counter.

"We didn't break anything; Carlos just has a surprise for you guys." Katie smiled and nudged my side, so I walked forward a bit and I couldn't stop grinning.

"Well uh….I wanted to thank you guys for helping me. It's…it's been a really, really long time since I cut myself and ended up in the hospital. It's been a long time since I've had the urge to hurt myself and now I feel… I feel happy and I finally feel okay and that's all because of you guys!" I shoved my hands in my pockets and I looked around to see everyone was starting to smile at me. "So I wanted to thank you guys with a party…with my favorite foods. But yeah, thanks a lot to all of you because without you guys helping me….well I might not be here!"

"Aw!" Colette ran over and hugged me tightly while the guys all came over and smashed us in the hug.

"Carlos is finally happy!" Kendall shouted.

"Congratulations dude!" Logan added.

"Finally man, you deserve it." James joined in. After everyone gave me a hug we all just dug into all the food that was there. I was busy myself actually putting a corndog in the chocolate fountain, but I felt a hand on my shoulder so I turned around and saw Tim glancing down at me.

"Hey Tim….everything good?" I chuckled nervously. CAN YOU BLAME ME? I'M SCREWING HIS LITTLE SISTER WHAT IF HE KNOWS AND WANTS TO STAB ME. IF I KNEW A GUY WAS HAVING SEX WITH MY BABY SISTER I WOULD CHOP HIS DICK OFF!

"Yeah it's all good just wanted to say thanks for this and I'm glad you're doing better. You're a good kid and you deserve to be happy." He nodded and glanced over at Colette who was pouring a tall glass of milk to go with her cookies. "Plus you make my sister really happy…like I've never seen before; you've helped her too so thank you for that."

"You guys helped me a lot…it's nothing and I really like her." I nodded and scratched at the back of my neck nervously. Tim smiled at me and walked over to his girlfriend. I quickly finished my chocolate covered corn dog and went over to Colette, kissing the back of her neck and making her giggle and finish her cookie before turning around to face me.

"Hey happy guy! You know what I noticed?" She raised an eyebrow at me and I just shrugged, I hope she doesn't say she noticed me checking her butt out before; I'm trying to be less obvious about that. "Your eyes sparkle when you smile. You're just _so_ happy now and it makes my heart flutter." She grinned and cupped the sides of my face to kiss me. OBVIOUSLY I kissed her back for a good long while too, she's my girlfriend and we have sex of course I'm going to kiss her.

"You know, your eyes sparkle and shine when you smile too." I told her and kissed her on the forehead. "You're pretty damn happy! And I'm happy because of you….you helped me Colette since day one and you're awesome and caring and I love you so much! I love when you giggle…and your smile is _so_ pretty….and I love our sexy time!" I whispered the last part to her and of course she giggled and hugged me even tighter.

"You're so adorable I can't get over it." She whispered quietly in my ear before kissing my cheek. Well I have my moments! "I love you too Carlos, and just like I helped you, you helped me….and I'm so happy to see you smiling so bright with all that you went through, my handsome strong man." She squeezed my arms and moved her hands to hold the sides of my face. "You deserve to be happy, don't let anyone ever tell you or make you think otherwise."

"They can't tell me otherwise, because I have you and you make me happy." I told her and kissed her, and then I heard a coughing sound behind me.

"Uh, hey, assholes, I'm pretty sure we helped too! Especially me, I think I'm pretty damn important too." James said with a huge smile on his face.

"Of course you are man, all of you!" I grabbed James and hugged him, then grabbed Logan and Kendall and pulled him in for the hug. "Thanks to all of you…you're the best brothers a guy could ask for."


End file.
